By all accounts, we had a strong marriage. We served in the church and had a deep commitment to our faith. Our children pursued academic and extra-curricular activities with our full support. So many things were going well for our family.

We were in our 14th year of marriage on the day that everything fell apart. Suddenly, many things about my marriage were called into question. I felt utterly terrified by what played out before my eyes. Surely it must be a mistake, though they assured me it was not.

Over the next few months, my marriage went from bad to worse. The troubles that knocked at our door that morning seemed to only get worse as time went on. Not only did my marriage fall apart, but we lost friends, our church, and much more.

Why did God allow this to happen to me? I was doing everything right.

While this is a part of my story, it is not all of my story. Four years later I can look back to see how God has been at work in my marriage.

In the midst of the hurt, though, how do you hold on to hope? How do you rummage through the chaos and confusion to see hope? When someone has tossed a blanket of darkness over your life, how do you find hope?

Dear friend, that is exactly where faith comes in.

Our relationship with the Lord is not just for Sundays. It’s for the good days, the sunny days. It’s also for the dark days, the tough days, and for that awful Wednesday when the devil came knocking for my marriage.

In John 8:12, Jesus reminds us that He is the light of the world. So even when the darkness is very real, we can have hope because of our relationship with Jesus. He is our hope!

Today I’m sharing how to hold on to hope in a struggling marriage at Young Wives Club. I’m grateful to Hannah and Rosie at The Young Wives Club for inviting me to share on their site this week! Come join me at their blog to read this post.

How to Hold On To Hope in a Struggling Marriage

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Sharing with Richella at Imparting Grace

So many things have changed since that day. Some days I feel like my life is never really going to look the same, ever again. And if that’s where I focus, my story seems quite hopeless. So I choose to intentionally lift my eyes and remember that my help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121)

That October morning dawned full of sunshine and full of hope. I looked out the window at the crisp, clear morning. It was less than ten minutes later, though, when the knock on the door changed everything.

My marriage of 14 years crumbled in front of my eyes. The unexpected truth came out and my life fell apart in that moment.

I had to find a way to keep going, even though my marriage hit rock bottom. I had to find a way to sort through the mess and see the truth.

The truths that I’m sharing today were the truths that I fell back on when this mess started.

The opening lines of Isaiah 43 offered such hope for me.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior….
Isaiah 43:1b-3a 

The waters were deep, the river was wide, the fire was intense, just as they are for anyone who deals with a traumatic incident.

But God.

His promises in Isaiah brought comfort. He knew the path we had to travel and He did not let go of us.

Today I’m sharing 3 Truths For When Marriage Is Hard. 

Join me over at Lori’s blog for the rest of this post. I love her heart for ministry to women. She has a powerful testimony and a strong desire to see women come to understand their identity in Christ. You will be very encouraged as you take a look around her site!

3 Truths for When Marriage is Hard

What truths do you cling to in your life, in your marriage? Please feel free to share them in the comments here or over at Lori’s blog.

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Sharing with Suzie Eller at #livefreeThursday

He walked away in frustration, choosing silence rather than speaking from anger. I knew I hurt him with my words, but they just came pouring out of my mouth. I was hurting, and I wanted to be sure he knew that.

Unfortunately, lashing out at him did not help me feel better. As I watched his shoulders slump, I longed to take back my words. How could I have been so mean?

The root of the problem was not the words that I said. It started before that with some wayward thoughts. I allowed them to run rampant and they built up and overflowed in the form of some very hurtful words.

II Corinthians 10:5 reminds us that we have control over our thoughts. We have the power to stop those thoughts that should not take root in our hearts.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I should have paused; I should not have let my feelings boil over. I should have exercised some self-control before I decided to speak. Unfortunately, I didn’t do that and the results of my words were pretty damaging.

God used this exchange to speak to my heart about taking my thoughts captive.

3 Reasons to Take Your Thoughts Captive in Your Marriage

There are many reasons to take your thoughts captive.

I’m sharing 3 of those reasons over at Fulfilling Your Vows. Come on over and read the post. Then take a look around the site; it’s an excellent resource for your marriage!

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Just a reminder that Hope for the Hurting Wife is coming soon! Jen and I look forward to sharing this book with you! Be sure you’re subscribed to the email list (sign up at the very bottom of this post) to be notified as soon as the book is ready!

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Do you need support in a struggling marriage? 

Click here to fill out the short form for the Facebook group.

Sharing with Holley Gerth at #CoffeeForYourHeart, with Jennifer Dukes Lee at #TellHisStory, Jaime Wiebel at #SittingAmongFriends, with Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragement, with Alisa Nicaud at Salt & Light

Any marriage-related post on this site came after the bottom fell out in my marriage as I didn’t write about marriage before then. It’s been a long, tough journey to get from that first day to this point.

This is not a story I ever wanted. In fact, I wouldn’t wish this story on anyone. The hurt, the fear, the anxiety has been almost unbearable at times. But I was determined to survive this journey, in whatever manner God would choose to lead me.

Many of you have expressed the same thing. You never imagined you’d be in a struggling marriage. Everything had been going so well, yet here you are. Your situation leaves you longing for hope, full of questions, and broken-hearted.

When my own journey through marital struggles started, I begged God to give me just one person who I could encourage on this journey. I knew that if I could share what I went through, it would give purpose to what I was dealing with.

God has gone above and beyond answering my prayer, giving me more than just one person to encourage. He has put people in my life who have encouraged me and helped me navigate this journey, and He has sent people who need encouragement as well. He has taken a story of pain and is using it to show His power of redemption.

One of the people who has been instrumental in encouraging me is Jen. She and I crossed paths in a blogging group. We grew as blogging buddies, as prayer warriors and friends. In late 2016, God placed an idea in our hearts to share some of our marriage struggles with others.

Hope for the Hurting Wife is a 30-day devotional that looks at the journey through a struggling marriage. It is a compilation of writings that Jen and I want to share with you. We have taken turns writing for each other’s blogs, mostly on the topic of marriage. We’ve both struggled in our marriages and we’re joining forces to offer a resource that we think is going to be beneficial to you. As wives who have experienced the hurt, we share from our own experiences of when marriage is hard. Jen and I are both committed to fighting for our marriages.

We take a look at topics such as communication, loving him in the tough times, the power of prayer, dealing with your emotions, support for times when you want to give up, recognizing progress, and seeing hope.

You’ll find encouragement and support for the real-life problems that arise when marriage becomes difficult. You’ll find hope for the journey of standing for your marriage, an understanding of the times when you pass through the deep waters of discouragement and fear, and you’ll learn that we aren’t perfect in our own fight for our marriages. We’re two women who share the hurt, but also the hope from drawing close to Jesus in this time. We want you to know that no matter what happens, God has a plan for your life.

It’s our desire that this book is a blessing to others who are in similar situations.

Be sure to sign up as a subscriber to be one of the first ones notified when Hope for the Hurting Wife is available! You can sign up using the box at the bottom of this post.

Stop by the Facebook page to see a video that I put together for the book!

We can’t wait to share this book with you!

Are you looking for support in a struggling marriage?

Click this link to fill out the short form for the Facebook group.

Sharing with Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup, with Holley Gerth at #CoffeeForYourHeart, with Alisa Nicaud at Salt & Light, with Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragement, with Suzie Eller at #livefreeThursday, at Writer Wednesday

Have you ever been in a situation where there was no way out? Any choice you made would bring pain in your life or in someone else’s life. It was a no-win situation, but that’s where I found myself, and it was terrifying.

The choices before me were to end my marriage, or to dig in and fight for it. While I’m a fighter by nature, I didn’t know if I could manage this fight. I tried to pray, I tried to ask for wisdom, but I could barely find the words.

You see, my marriage was up against some tough issues. Some of those issues were inter-personal, some were spiritual and some were legal. Everything that was happening was completely outside the limits of anything that I would consider a “tough marriage”. We faced life-altering decisions and I had no idea how to ask God to save our lives, our marriage, our family.

Please believe me when I say that I never wanted this story. The only way I could find my way forward was through spending time with the Lord. However, when I tried to pray, I had no idea where to start. I couldn’t form words that conveyed the depths of my feelings.

That’s when God put four words on my heart. These words became the simplest, but hardest, prayer for my marriage.

There was not a lot of fluff, there were no extra words. I’m not even sure what I was praying for when I prayed those words.

This became the 4-word prayer that changed me. 

I’m sharing the rest of this post at Fulfilling Your Vows. Come on over to find the prayer, and to hear how the prayer changed me.

If you are facing a crisis in your marriage, here is some support and encouragement for you.

Click here to fill out the form for the Facebook group.

Sharing with Suzie Eller at #LiveFreeThursday, Alisa Nicaud at Salt & Light, Richella at Imparting Grace, Arabah Joy at Grace & Truth, Lori Schumaker at #MomentsOfHope, Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup, Jennifer Dukes Lee at #TellHisStory, Holley Gerth at #CoffeeForYourHeart, Jaime Wiebel at #SittingAmongFriends, with Crystal Twaddell at #FreshMarketFriday

We all seem to go into our marriage excited to start a new life with our spouse. We probably attend pre-marital counseling together and talk through all the issues that newlyweds may face. We walk down the aisle to wedded bliss, but we may not be aware of the spiritual battles we’re likely to face.

When I first got married, it was easy to keep my marriage safe. We were newlyweds and spent a lot of time together. We talked a lot, communicated about issues that came up and genuinely worked to keep each other first. Ever so slowly, though, we saw friends start to struggle in their marriages. We saw marriages where divorce was imminent and we noticed problems creeping into our own marriage.

As I took stock of what was happening in my marriage and in marriages around me, I realized there were 3 reasons I wanted to protect my marriage.

I began to change my battle plan – from arguing with my husband at times, to battling the real forces that were at work against my marriage. Don’t get me wrong – bad choices were made in our marriage, but I began to battle with the guidelines from Ephesians 6:10-17 rather than try to fight in my own strength.

A change in my tactics has not relieved me of the battle – I wish it did. Instead, though, it has taught me the value of fighting in the manner God intends.

Come with me over to Fulfilling Your Vows for the rest of the post. Read the 3 reasons to fiercely protect your marriage – and then share your own reasons!

I’m excited to share that I am contributing at Fulfilling Your Vows. They offer practical encouragement for real-life marriage. Mike & Carlie run the site and they have been through many challenges in their marriage. If you peruse the site, you’ll appreciate their perspective and their honesty. I’ll be there once a month, but there will always be an intro post here to let you know to click over. 

Tip: Be sure to check out the related posts at the bottom of this post. The posts there are always related to the content in this post.

Click here to fill out the form for the Facebook group.

Linking up with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart, Alisa Nicaud at Salt & Light, Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragement, Susan B. Mead at #DanceWithJesus, Arabah Joy at Grace & Truth, Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup, Sarah E. Frazer at #TuesdayTalk

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Recently, I shared Ephesians 6:10-17, the passage about the armor of God, with some wonderful women. I was able to read through the passage, share a few thoughts and provide encouragement on the subject of spiritual warfare. The passage lingered with me, though, and I returned to reading it myself, wondering what I was searching for. As I read the words carefully, one small phrase jumped out at me. I’ve considered the phrase before, but it came to me as encouragement for those of you who wonder if you’ll have regrets in standing for your marriage.

In this type of situation, it can be hard to know what the future holds. We wonder what our lives will look like in five years, next year, even tomorrow. The “what ifs” are loud, undermining our resolve to stand firm.

How to Overcome Regrets When Standing for Your Marriage 

You’re probably pretty familiar with this passage in Ephesians 6. If you would like to read the passage, here’s a link to it. We’re looking specifically at verses 10-17.

The verse I want to really focus on is Ephesians 6:13.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 

This is the verse that jumped out at me as I continued to look at this passage. I think it really holds the answer for those who are waiting on God to redeem their marriage. The particular phrase that I latched on to was, “…and after you have done everything, to stand.”

While we have no guarantees on how our marriage will turn out, we can have no regrets in our stand!

Look at these words and phrases from this passage:

• …be strong…
• …put on…
• …can take your stand…
• …put on…
• …may be able to stand…
• …have done everything…
• …Stand firm…
• …buckled…
• …feet fitted…
• …take up…
• …you can extinguish…
• …Take…

What do you see?

Faith In God 

This passage starts with a reminder to be strong in the Lord, and to put on the full armor of God. Paul doesn’t just say, “Go fight, and good luck!” Rather, he starts this section with a reminder of where our strength lies. In fact, if you count, you see that he reminds us twice, in eighteen words, in whom we have our faith.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. 
Psalm 20:7

Holding to our faith in God is not always easy, but our faith in an omnipotent God gives us boldness to face the right battle. So often, in messy marriages, we treat our spouse as the enemy. While we can justify feelings, we need to remember that our spouse is not actually our enemy.

Preparation for the Right Battle 

Circumstances in a struggling marriage can make us feel hurt, even angry. When you want to lash out at your spouse, though, remember that the armor of God is to be used for a spiritual battle.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 
Ephesians 6:12

We can fight our spouse all we want, but the real battle is one we can’t see with our physical eyes. The pieces of armor are protective. Most of the armor that is listed is to protect your body from top to bottom. Why? Because a spiritual battle can cause a lot of damage. The enemy isn’t just going to attack your mind, or your heart. He’s going to make a full attack in an attempt to derail you.

For those in struggling marriages, consider how hurt you feel when your spouse says they’re leaving. How hard it can be to hear that a spouse has cheated on you. Those really break our hearts. But the devil doesn’t just leave it there, does he? No, he sends doubts (our minds), sometimes we can experience physical or mental distress, we might struggle financially – the possibilities are endless. That’s how he attacks – all out, no holds barred.

That’s why we need the full armor of God, as defense for ourselves. Along with that, we’re told to take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Why do we needs God’s Word? We need it to be able to combat the enemy. We need to be in the Word, to know and understand what God says.

Commitment 

Have you ever bundled up to go outside in winter? If you’re just running to grab something out of the car, you may not worry about too many layers. But if you plan to be shoveling or playing with the kids, you layer up because you know you’ll be outside a while. There are no shortcuts! You put on multiple layers, you get a hat, a scarf, gloves and boots. You don’t want to be cold.

There’s the same level of commitment in suiting up with the armor of God. You may not choose the full armor if you’re just praying for your spouse to have a good day. But when push comes to shove, when marriage is on the line, it is best to put on each piece of armor. To me, this says a couple of things.

First, it tells God that we recognize the seriousness of this battle. Second, we tell our heart  and mind that we are going into this battle prepared. Third, when we show up against the enemy, he sees that we do not come in our own power.

…and after you have done everything, to stand.

Preparing for battle, with faith in the Lord and a commitment to His calling allows us to journey through this time of standing for our marriage. God doesn’t just send us in to the battle empty-handed, though. We have hope in Him, we have the knowledge from His Word, and we have the testimonies and examples from those who have gone before us.

I believe God often puts people in our paths who ahead of us in our journey. They cheer us on, sharing some of the “how to” from their journey. We are wise to listen to them, to seek them out for counsel and mentoring, to learn from their battles.

If your marriage ends in restoration, then praise God! We can thank Him for His redemptive work in your marriage.

If your marriage does not end in restoration, though, you can move forward in peace. You can overcome the regrets you may feel because you know that you have done everything. Everything! You’ve put on the full armor, you’ve taken up the sword of the Spirit and have spent time in God’s Word. You put your faith in God, you prepared for the right battle and you kept your commitment. You sought wise counsel and followed advice of trusted mentors.

The flip side of this, though, is that you don’t want to be wondering “what if” in five years, if your marriage has not ended in restoration. You don’t want to be questioning whether your quick devotional in the morning was enough. Maybe you’ll wish you would have taken your mentor’s advice. Perhaps you didn’t put on the helmet to protect your mind. There are many “what ifs” and you don’t want to be wondering about any of them.

Combat them right here, right now, by living out this passage today! 

If you’re looking for a more detailed study of the Armor of God, check out Priscilla Shirer’s Bible Study, The Armor of God.

Click here to fill out the form for the Facebook group.

Linking up with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart, Crystal at Fresh Market Friday, Susan at DanceWithJesus, Arabah Joy at Grace & Truth, Kelly Balarie at #RaRaLinkup, Crystal Storms at #HeartEncouragement, Suzie Eller at #livefreeThursday

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One thing I’ve found in ministering to women standing for their marriage is that we often misunderstand love. I’ve heard from women who talk about “not feeling in love,” and women who say, “He just doesn’t love me anymore.” The pressing question seems to be, “How will we grow old together when we don’t feel loved?”

Perhaps you married because you felt “in love” and assumed the feelings would last. But what happened after a few months, or maybe a year, when things started to change? He didn’t respond the same way any more, or you reverted to getting frustrated too easily. He forgot to take the trash out and you felt frustrated. You stopped speaking nicely to him and he got upset easily.

Where’s the love that was once there?

None of us desire to live in a loveless marriage, but what can we do when all the feelings point to a lack of love? How can we find hope? How can we restore the love we once had?

These are questions I’ve struggled with inside of my own marriage. The answers have been elusive at times, depending on the season of our marriage. The reality, though, is that the answers have never changed – my response, my reaction has had to change.

While the answer can seem simplistic at times, I’ve realized this is an area of marriage that requires a lot of work. I’ve also had to remember that my feelings don’t necessarily tell the truth.

If you’re already married, chances are you’re already committed to giving it your all!

I’m exploring these issues as part of a series on Building a Flourishing Marriage.

There are 3 tips that we’re looking at:
1. Learn The Language
2. Learn How to Understand Love
3. Learn to Keep Fighting

Come join me at Alisa’s blog to read 3 tips to restore the love in your marriage.

Click here to fill out the form for the Facebook group.

Sharing at Purposeful Faith, Coffee for Your Heart, #DanceWithJesus, Grace & Truth, From Messes to Messages, #TestimonyTuesday, Salt & Light, Crystal at #HeartEncouragement,