Standing by My Husband through an Addiction

This week, I’m honored to share a post form Angela. She reached out to me after reading one of my posts and said she had something similar. I’m so excited to introduce you to her, and I pray that her story is a blessing to you.

At the end of the post, she has a beautiful free gift for you, so be sure to hop over and visit her!

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When I first met my husband I was immediately taken by how fun and wild he was. Such a kind and loving spirit, he quickly became my best friend and I knew he was the one I wanted to marry. I knew early on that he was using drugs, but to me it wasn’t anything major. His job was physically demanding and he suffered from chronic pain. So the pills were no big deal. Neither of us were living particularly spiritual lives, and our first two years together could serve as evidence of that.

For the most part it was an off limits subject. He didn’t appear to be using an excessive amount, and I didn’t want to nag. So for the next three years we carried on as normal. I suspect that things were pretty average for a young married couple. Mingled in with happy times were moments of conflict which tended to happen during financial hardship. There never seemed to be enough money to go around for all our bills and we were quickly falling behind. As many couples could relate to, we got snippy with each other.

God sheds a light.

God knows all and sees all, and when it’s time to shed a light on something his timing is perfect.

Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord; who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know? –Isaiah 29:15.

The day my husband finally revealed me how bad the addiction had gotten our heat had been disconnected. I hadn’t been able to pay the bill, and early January in Michigan was a cold time with no heat and two small kids in the house. When my husband realized that our bills were not getting paid because of his addiction, he confessed to me that things had gotten out of control. 

Standing by my husband - One woman's brave redemption story of staying with her husband through an addiction.

Something happened to my husband that day – a healing in his body that could only have been a miracle. He was able to quit and have no withdrawals. On many occasions he told me that what kept him going was the word of God. Daily reading and prayer had kept the withdrawals and temptation at bay. But after time, the urge begins to come back. Every day got harder. Friends, this is where the real work as partners begins.

Take your stance as his wife.

Wives, the Lord made us as helpers to our husbands. My human flesh wanted to make him sorry for the secrets he’d been keeping. But the Lord says to forgive your spouse.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
–Ephesians 4:32

There were certainly things I had asked the Lord, and my husband, to forgive me for. So I forgave him, and I began to pray.  

One thing my husband told me was most encouraging was the prayer area I set up in our bedroom. It’s a small wooden desk I’ve had since high school, some candles and post it notes. I began writing out prayers for my husband and posting them to the wall. My prayers were some like “Lord, show Andrew how much you love him” and “Lord, please give Andrew strength.” Reading those prayers helped remind him that even though he had made mistakes, he was made new in the Lord and washed clean.

This part helped with the guilt. When a husband realizes that he was doing something that was hurting his family, he is plagued with guilt that can quickly slide into depression. Our prayers are our best aid in helping them through the droughts of faith.

Without a doubt there is one big secret to standing by your husband through an addiction. You will need to continuously forgive your husband. This is not typically a onetime fixes all type of situation. He is guaranteed to have hard days while he is recovering, even years later. And he might slip up once or twice. Forgive him, pray for him, and surrender your marriage to the Lord.

Two years later.

There are still days my husband struggles, but they are becoming less regular. I am proud of the strength he’s shown and I know from where that power flows. He has a fierce love for the Lord, and to be honest, I’m grateful that we have shared this experience. Without challenge there is no room for growth, and no glory for the Lord. 

Standing by my husband - One woman's brave redemption story of staying with her husband through an addiction.


Angela Tyler

My name is Angela Tyler. I’m a wife and mother of two beautiful kids. Reading scripture and other literature has been a core part of understanding the profound love of our Father, and helped me to live a happier and more fulfilled life. My heart’s desire is to contribute to some of the amazing literature available to wives and mothers everywhere. 

I’d like to thank you for reading; it’s a true blessing to be a part of your growth with the Lord.

For an exclusive freebie printable for vising my page, please click this link:
Free Printable Prayer Cards 

Visit Angela’s blog or find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest.


Sharing at 
Grace & Truth

3 Ways to Overcome in a Troubled Marriage

When my life first turned upside down, my prayer was that God would somehow take my story – a troubled marriage – and use it to minister to others. I’m amazed at the many ways God is honoring that prayer. Alisa approached me about sharing a post in her Overcome series, and I said yes because the Scripture she based the series on has had such a special place in my life.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony….
Revelation 12:11

The stories we live through, the things that God does in our lives – they can be used by God to encourage others. I know that personally, I’d rather avoid the struggles and trials, but if God an use what I’m going through to help someone else, I feel like I can be a little stronger.

Throughout the stresses, upheavals and trials in my marriage for the past 3 years, my prayer has been that God would (somehow!) use my story to encourage others. That’s what motivates me to write – the fact that there may be another wife out there who needs to know that she can stay, she can fight, for her marriage.

But, how do you overcome in a marriage riddled with deceit and addiction,
leading to pain and intense shame?

How do you fight the battle that you never wanted? 

I'm sharing 3 ways to overcome in a troubled marriage, because it really is possible!

I hope you’ll join me at Alisa’s blog for 3 ways to overcome in a troubled marriage.

If you’re fighting a battle for your marriage, I would love to hear from you so that I can be praying with you and for you.


Sharing at 

Christian Blogger Community
Grace & Truth 

4 Promises for a Broken Heart

I just told a friend that I wasn’t sure what God was doing – blogging here isn’t reaching people like it used to. I haven’t posted as much, but that was because of my crazy work schedule. I told this friend that maybe my niche was actually too small. After all, statistically, half of marriages end in divorce, and most people certainly don’t stay in a marriage that has significant issues, let alone biblical reasons to divorce.

That was less than 48 hours ago.

Today I received 3 emails from women at various stages of working through issues, on their way to redemption.

Today I heard fresh hurt, broken hearts, questions – wondering why? and why would God let this happen?

I have first hand experience in all of this.  I started this blog to encourage others who are searching for redemption in their marriage. So, selfishly, I couldn’t figure out why it’s been so quiet here. Today I realized that it’s quiet here when God is working in other ways – and ultimately, that’s the main purpose here: His glory, His will.

But when I start hearing from people, I know they’re here for a reason. They’re here because of those questions, those hurts. And I fully understand.

It’s one thing to have pain – to lose a loved one, to say good-bye to a dear friend moving away, to feel the hurt from the wound of a friend.

If you are struggling with a broken heart, here is encouragement from God's Word.

But how do you survive the betrayal of a spouse?

There is no “right way”; there is no prescribed method (though that would make it so much easier).

If you choose to stay with your spouse, then God is going to work in your marriage in the way that He needs to – for the good of both of you.



He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
-Psalm 91:1

Friend, if you are hurting today – whether from a fresh wound or just a fresh wave of grief, take some time to abide in Jesus’ presence.

Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.
-Hebrews 13:5b

I know how it feels to watch the world walk out – most of your support system just…gone! They can’t believe what’s happened, but they also can’t believe you’re staying. 

…But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
-Proverbs 18:24

You’ll need that friend – the closer-than-a-brother, understands-your-heart kind of friend.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
-Psalm 139:13

That friend from Proverbs 18:24, the one who sticks closer than a brother, He knows your heart. He created your heart and gave you the emotions you feel. He knows the inner-workings of what makes you who you are. And He’s never going to leave you or forsake you.

If you find yourself in need of these promises today, if your heart is broken, hold tight to these promises.

Over the next few days, I’ll be posting more support and encouragement for those of us who know and understand a broken heart.

If you’re looking for some tangible encouragement, these are a few products that have been a tremendous blessing to me. (Click the image for more information.)


This calendar (or any similar calendar) is beneficial because it gives a promise a day. Books can be a little overwhelming to read when your heart is heavy, but this offers a verse to encourage your heart.

While I don’t have this exact mug, I have several favorite mugs. Whether it’s my morning coffee, or a cup of tea through the day, the sayings or images on the mugs remind me to slow down and rest in Jesus.

Throw blankets have become one of my very favorite possessions. On a cool evening, it’s nice to be snuggled under another layer of warmth and security.

I hope you’re able to find some peace among these promises of God. The tangible “extras” are just that – extra. Sometimes it helps, even as adults, to have our security objects in the face of a troubled situation.

Please know that I’m praying for you – for us – for redemption.

I’ll be writing some new posts so be watching for those. If you’ve signed up to get the posts delivered to your Inbox, you’ll have them as soon as the post goes live. (You can use the bar at the top of the page or the pop-up box that comes up to sign up for the emails.)

In the meantime, check these posts for more encouragement for a struggling marriage.

Sharing at Grace & Truth

I Want to be Left Alone

Have you ever shared something with a friend, only to have it come back to convict you? I shared the following post with Jen, then realized that I’ve been convicted by my own words. I hope that what I’m sharing here is more encouraging than convicting for you.

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The truth is, I just wanted to be left alone. After all, we weren’t getting along, we were bickering about everything – or so it seemed, and the last thing I wanted was to have to spend time with him. I didn’t want his usual greeting of a hug and kiss. I just wanted him to go away.

As I watched him walk away, shoulders drooped due to my cold shoulder, I felt a twinge of guilt and remorse. Then I remembered the stress he’d caused me, the fear he’d brought into our home, and I pushed the guilt aside. This mess was his fault, and he needed to fix it.

Even in marriage, there are times when my pride takes over and I want to be left alone.

Sadly this has happened in my marriage – too many times. And though this particular situation isn’t recent, these same kinds of things continue to happen. I’m asking God to work in my life, to encourage my husband rather than to be selfish.

Join me over at Jen’s blog as I’m sharing about times when I want to be left alone.

Stepping Into the Light

Walking into the darkness can be difficult – whether it’s a physical, emotional, or spiritual darkness. Going from the light and having to adjust to the darkness takes some effort. We can’t move quickly, for fear of stumbling. Darkness, by nature, forces us to slow down, to move cautiously.

We consider it easier to maneuver in the light – for obvious reasons: we can see where we’re going, we can see stumbling blocks, and God is showing us the way.

Have you ever been in a prolonged darkness? Maybe you’ve spent the night with a child who did not want to be alone. Perhaps you’ve weathered a storm that took out power for a couple days and realized just how quickly the darkness sets in as evening rolls around.

When the light finally comes, it can be hard to adjust – we’re so used to the darkness, to how we have to manage in the darkness. The light can seem almost painful – we’ve all seen people shielding their eyes, or reaching for sunglasses or a hat on the brightest of days. We’ve seen people squint as the light comes on in a dark room.

I’ve been living in a darkness for almost 3 years. I wrote a post one day, not realizing that just a few days later those words would be for me – that my entire world would turn upside down, my heart would be completely broken, and I’d find out just how much of my life had been a lie.

What do you do after a trauma occurs? 

I think we all retreat, in some manner. I gathered my favorite blanket and sat on the end of my couch. I just sat. Sometimes I would lie down, but mostly I sat. From time to time I would sleep a little longer. Other times I would watch TV, or put on a movie – anything to protect me from what I was feeling.

I changed my schedule, my sleep habits completely changed, and I started to realize that life would never ever be the same.

I spent time asking God the obvious question: Why?

I waited and listened for His answer: This isn’t about you, it’s about him (my husband).

Almost 3 years have passed.

In fact, as of this writing, 1,082 days have passed. 

I found this image the other night and shared a teaser post on Facebook (the image, minus the text on it). I promised a post to go with this image. Since then, we’ve had a car accident that threatened to derail my faith in what God is currently doing in our lives. But after several days of working through what is currently happening, I’ve determined that it would be a shame to throw away 1,082 days of faith in God over a car accident. Mind you, it has possible financial ramifications, of course. We’ve recently made some choices that are necessary for our family, and we’re having to trust God with the finances. I came back to this image, to the fact that it represents all that God has done, and I’m unwilling to go back to the darkness of the tunnel for what is hopefully just a temporary setback.

Words of encouragement for those stepping into the light


It’s been almost three years since the original trauma. And while that seems to be a long time, I’m sure we all know that grief takes its time. There is no set amount of time until – poof! – grief is magically gone. No. In fact, I’m sure we all carry scars of many different hurts from years past.

I’ve written about life in the valley; I know what it is to wake up, get up and fight the enemy each day. I know what it is to pray so desperately that there are no words to express my longings.

I’ve been pretty sure that this was what might ultimately do me in – this mess that my family is in because of the choices my husband made, and because of my choice to support him in getting the help he needs. I’d prepared myself to never know a “normal” life again. I’d pretty much accepted my “new normal” as being far from what it was, and even farther from what I’d ever hoped.

Which is why I was surprised to find myself writing these words to a friend the other day:

I look around at 3 happy kids, a husband on the way to being whole,
a house filled with love and laughter and good memories despite all the garbage that’s happened,
and I realize that somehow, slowly, I’ve managed to climb out of the pit I was in.


Words of encouragement for those stepping into the light

Not only have I climbed out of the pit, or maybe made it to the end of the tunnel, but I realize that God has faithfully carried me every step of the way.

I’m reminded of a few verses that have helped me on this journey:

Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the LORD your God will gather you and bring you back.
Deuteronomy 30:4

No matter where we are, no matter what our situation, no matter how lost or forgotten we feel, God has never once lost track of us. He knows where we are, how we got there, and He is caring for us even in the midst of our situation.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
I Peter 5:10-11

God, in His grace, will restore us, no matter what we’ve endured. He will make our footing sure. 

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14

This last one has been the hardest to grasp hold of. It’s easy to read the promises of what God and what He will do, but this verse in Psalm 71 struck me because of the writer’s words – I will praise you more and more.

How do we hold onto hope in the tough times? How do we continue to get up each morning and trust that God is going to do what He says?

It’s truly a moment-by-moment decision to trust.

As we trust God for today, let’s not forget to give thanks for the many things that He has done to get us to this point.

What did He do for you yesterday that encourages you to trust Him still today?
What did He do a year ago that causes you to have hope and trust even still?
Have you thanked Him today for those things?

I found a quote/saying some time back that reads:

What if we woke up today with only the things we thanked God for yesterday?

Friend, even in the midst of struggles, we can find things to thank God for. You can make your own list of 1,000 Gifts. Not only will it give you something to focus on – finding blessings – it will also give your mind something to do instead of worry, instead of fearing your situation.

The devil wants a foothold – just a foothold. It’s our job to know where we belong – safe under God’s care (Psalm 91), and it’s our job to take our thoughts captive so that the enemy doesn’t even get the slightest opening to our heart.

Friends, if you’re going through a tunnel, if you’re stuck in a pit, I’m certainly not here to promise that you’re going to get what you ask of God, though I sincerely wish I could promise that.

I am here to say, though, that God is still about redemption. His desire is still for us to be with Him. That doesn’t change whether you’re on the mountaintop or in the dark and dank pit.

“God is always doing 10,000 things in  your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”
-John Piper-

If you’re in a pit, God is there.
If you’re in a pit because of someone else’s actions, God knows all the details.
If you’re in a pit, perhaps God is at work in ways He has not revealed yet – keep trusting Him.

Wherever you are today, please know that there is hope. There IS hope. His name is Jesus. Keep trusting, keep worshiping, keep believing that He will redeem and restore. Then step boldly into the light.

What if God Actually Answered My Prayer

His words caught me totally by surprise. I looked up from what I was doing to be sure I’d heard him. My husband has never been very definitive about anything, especially pertaining to our marriage, so his matter-of-fact response caught me off guard.

My husband and I have had a rough few years. We’ve had legal, financial and marital issues, to name just a few. The trauma we’ve dealt with has been almost unbearable. My husband has had to deal with some very difficult issues, and while we’ve tried to navigate them together, ultimately they have been his demons to wrestle while I prayed.

I was frustrated at where we were in our relationship – seemingly stuck. The struggles that we faced took us on very different roads than I ever intended. Navigating them has not been easy for me.

I think I said something like, “I don’t like where we are. I want to feel like we’re moving forward. I want to feel unstuck.”

He answered that we won’t be in this position forever. I won’t always feel stuck. No, someday this will be behind us.

“You want to move forward? Then we start today. We start here. We may not know where we are going to end up, but we can start right here and move forward together.”

Friends, I have prayed for this moment. I have prayed for my husband to step into the position to want to lead our family, our marriage.

And there I stood, surprised, uncertain, not sure what to do.

What if… What if God actually answered my prayer


His words startled me. Could be be that God actually answered my prayer?


Join me at Jen’s blog this week as I share about those moments when I realize that God has answered my prayer.

If Your Light Has Gone Out {and you’re pondering divorce}

I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been struggling to process something that I read. Let me start this post by saying that I fully realize that we all approach our decision-making differently, and God calls us all to different paths, and honestly, I don’t expect this post to win me too many new friends. That being said, the Bible is very clear about a lot of things, especially divorce.

I read an article a few weeks ago, called “My Light Went Out” about a lady who was pondering a divorce. According to the post, she begged God to let her know what she should do.

I took from that statement that she’s a Christian, but maybe I’m wrong.

The article goes on to detail her marriage, and according to her admission, there were
*3 boys
*no black eyes
*no adultery (in fact she called him a kind man and a good father)
*no gambling
yet she was dying inside. She was lonely. Her friends told her that her light went out. 

So she was pondering divorce, and against the advice of friends and family, she left her marriage and chose herself. (Her words, not mine.)

After the decision was made, she shares that she heard what she needed to hear from her favorite author. Basically the advice was a list of reasons that someone might leave their husband. The end of the excerpt she shared reads,
“Go, because you want to. Because wanting to leave is enough.”

Not only that, but she was able to find the good in the situation. She has a list of “10 gifts of a messy divorce”.

If you find yourself pondering divorce, if you feel that your light has gone out, please read this encouragement first.

Friends, hold on tight….

*She begged God to tell her what to do.
*There had been, according to her admission, no adultery, so therefore no biblical reason to divorce.
*Yet her favorite author wrote a long list of reasons as to why someone should leave their marriage and she accepted that.

Excuse me…. If you’re begging God to tell you what to do, have you tried reading your Bible?

Shouldn’t God be your favorite author?

I realize that we all have authors we like to read, our own list of favorite books.

But, I also realize that it’s easier to take the advice we want instead of the advice that is actually right, which often seems more difficult.

This article has been on my mind for several weeks. I cannot get it out of my head.

I think I’m mad at the author. It has really bothered me that she described her “perfect life” (her words, not mine) and then goes on to say that she chose herself, and as a result her children are happier because they have a mother who is happy.

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I know that God gives a way out in certain situations in marriage. Not everyone will stay. I almost didn’t.

I don’t expect everyone to want to stay in a marriage where there has been difficulty. (And if you’re experiencing abuse, you should certainly do what you need to in order to get some distance and safety.)

But if we are calling ourselves Christians, then we need to be following what God tells us in His Word. 

Not only that, but God doesn’t force us out of our troubled marriages. The guidelines are there for if someone chooses to leave their marriage. They are not there because someone has to leave their marriage if there are problems.

In my specific situation, I really felt like this was the last (final) option for my husband to get his life straightened out.

So while the Bible very clearly gave me a way out, I chose not to take it.



No, not mine. My husband’s.

I have a husband who has struggled severely with some major issues and this is his chance to get it right – to learn that a life isn’t lost because of mistakes, to learn that God can bring beauty from the ashes.

This has been the toughest fight of my life.

Believe me when I tell you that I feel like my light went out.

I might be able to understand where the author was coming from…if she had troubles in her marriage.
(Please note – that comment is based on reading her article, where she lists loneliness as the major issue, and 6 years of marriage counseling hadn’t fixed it.) But by all accounts, including hers, it was a good life.

I’m glad she’s happy – please don’t misunderstand that.

But I’m disappointed for her, that she had to leave the will of God in order to find happiness.

Friends, God will never EVER take us outside of His will and His truth in order for us to find happiness. It just won’t happen.

So while this article has really stayed in my head, I’m ready to let it go.



No, not mine. The unbeliever’s.

Friends, we serve a God who can.
Plain and simple.
He can. 

Yes, He may choose to answer differently than we hope, but I have to count on the promises of God.

And so, though it’s not the popular choice, I choose to stand for redemption.

Though I may stand alone at times, I stand for redemption.

Though my family’s situation is “too messy” for some to want to deal with, I stand for redemption.


Because I know what’s at stake. I know what comes at the end of it all.

Heaven or hell. Life or death.

Maybe you’re struggling in your marriage right now. Can I just encourage you to please, please spend time with the Lord. Search the Scripture. Take time – take days, weeks, however long it takes – until you are sure that you have a solid answer from God.

Meanwhile, though others may take the easy way out, the selfish way out – even though it’s not justified biblically – I’ll be here, standing for redemption.

Because no sin is too great, and no sinner is too lost.

I came across this quote recently, and all I can say is, YES.

Spurgeon quote

I hope you’ve been around here enough to know my heart – to know that I understand the struggles of marriage. I know the hurt and pain that a spouse can cause. I am fully aware that there are long “dry patches” in a marriage where a spouse is struggling or unhappy.

I know the pain that can be caused by years of secrets. I know the trauma that is induced when life suddenly falls apart on a perfectly normal Wednesday.

I also know that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” -Romans 8:18

I believe God created us for a purpose. I believe He longs for us to have full joy in and through Him.

And that’s precisely why this article has bothered me so much – this lady has purposely stepped outside the will of God. While she might be happy for now, I don’t think she’s where God wants her.

If her post is completely truthful, then I believe she’s in the wrong. I do not believe that she should have gotten a divorce – just like most everyone else, according to her article.

Friends, we have to wake up. Complacency is a slow, quiet killer. I know because I struggle there, too.

We’ve had to start attending a new church – because according to some people, some sins are just too messy to deal with. My kids struggle to transition to the new church. The times are not what we’re used to. The service is different from what we’re accustomed to, AND we don’t have many friends there yet. It’s very challenging. And often, it’s easier to just stay home.

So I know the struggle with complacency. I know the struggle with those times when things just seem to never go your way.

But, friends, please hear me, please hear my heart:

Stepping outside of God’s boundaries may bring happiness temporarily, but it is sin.

It is sin packaged in “happiness” but it’s still sin.

God hasn’t called me to win the world to Him. He’s called me to be faithful inside my home – to walk this road with my husband (though it’s dark and scary), and to help in raising our children.

He’s called me to follow Him. To be obedient. To share redemption.

I’m thankful for the quote from Spurgeon, to be able to share just how strongly I feel about this.

I don’t have a huge platform, but I have faith.

Friend, if you are contemplating divorce, or if you know someone who is, be sure – be so very sure – that you are within God’s will. I don’t expect that He will call us all to stay.

But I don’t want to miss this opportunity to remind you – and me – to stay in God’s will.

Obey Him. Even if it’s not what you want to do. Even if your favorite author writes a beautiful, flowing list of why you should leave. Even if your light has gone out.

Sometimes we need to survive that temporary darkness and let God meet us there, so that we don’t have to endure an eternal darkness.


Sharing at Grace & Truth

When You Need a Fresh Perspective of Your Goliath

Sometimes we need an utter change in perspective, don’t we? I just read a different perspective on David’s attempt to kill Goliath. I think I’ve probably heard it before, but it sure isn’t the perspective I usually hold. Usually I consider (probably like most of us) that Goliath was a huge giant and that it would be difficult for any regular-sized person to take him out. A friend was sharing that she’d heard this at a camp meeting:

While others said, “Goliath is so big we can’t beat him,”
David said, “That guy is so big I can’t miss him!” 

Wow! Do you ever view the story of David and Goliath from that perspective?

Does your "Goliath" seem too big, even in marriage? Read this encouraging perspective on how to look at your problems.

That really got me thinking about the other things in my life that I may view differently if I simply had a change in perspective.

Right now I’m in the middle – truly about halfway through everything that has to happen because of all that has gone wrong.

One thing I’ve learned about the middle – about being halfway through a trial – is that it’s dark. It’s so very dark. God hasn’t removed the struggle, though I prayed He would, but honestly knew this was something we’d have to deal with. God hasn’t sped up time to magically transport us to the end of this ordeal.

Join me at Being Confident of This for the rest of this post,
to see how God is helping me to deal with the “Goliath” in my life.

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If you’re looking for a few resources to help you deal with your own time of growth and your need for faith and trust, please check out these two favorites:

My friend, Leah, has done a Bible study for times when we’re feeling discouraged, when life is difficult, when our Goliath seems too big. This short, easy-to-use Bible study is full of Scriptures that draw us close to the Lord. Check out When Words Won’t Come.

And my friend, Arabah Joy, has a book called Trust Without Borders. It’s a 40-day devotional that is designed to strengthen our faith.

I strongly recommend both of these books. They have blessed me in my own growth these past few years. They have helped me survive this battle with my own Goliath. I pray they will be a blessing to you as well.

What situations are you facing where you could use an adjustment in your perspective? Ask God to help you see your situation in a new perspective.

4 Ways to Intentionally Connect with Your Spouse

I love quotes – I love that someone can succinctly capture what I’m feeling in an eloquent manner. Because I blog about marriage, particularly – dealing with a troubled marriage, I look for quotes that help me focus on marriage.

I recently came across this quote:

True love stands by each other’s side on good days
and stands even closer on bad days.

Over the past few  years of not knowing whether my marriage would even survive, this quote (or words similar to it) has come up time and again.

The struggles we’ve faced in our marriage have seemed insurmountable. To be honest, I don’t know of too many others who have faced similar issues and have survived. In fact, the world is quick to say, “biblical grounds for divorce – you’re free!”

But in those same passages, Jesus does not tell us that we have to divorce, does He? No. He gives us a way out if we need it – and I certainly understand that some people need it. (Worth noting: if you are in a relationship that is abusive, I strongly urge you to get the help you need.)

We aren’t going to get different results in our marriages, though, if we continue to act in the same manner. We have to change what we do if we want to see a different outcome. So what small things can you do now to make sure you’re standing even closer on the bad days?

Join me at Comfort in the Midst of Chaos as I’m sharing 4 Ways to Intentionally Connect With Your Spouse.
"True love stands...even closer on bad days." Here are 4 ways to intentionally connect with your spouse to make sure you're close on good days and bad days.
Sharing at Grace & Truth

4 Ways to Overcome the Post-argument Hangover

We fought off and on all day long, never really resolving any issues. By evening, we were both weary from the battle, both nursing wounds, both feeling like failures who just can’t seem to get this marriage thing right.

Then after desperate prayers for rescue, finally – a breakthrough. We set our stubbornness aside and admit to our sin, our weakness, our need. We confess, both to each other and to the Lord. We reconcile.

The argument is over, so why do I still feel so out-of-sorts, defeated?

Have you experienced this phenomenon, friends? The post-argument hangover can leave you feeling stuck, unable to move on if you let it. It keeps you mired right where the Enemy wants you.

What we need is a gameplan to help us overcome!

4 Ways to Overcome the Post-argument Hangover

1. Remember who you are in Christ.

Now that the fight has been resolved and you are right with one another and right with God, you’ll still have those leftover human emotions and hormones flooding your body. The Enemy is sure to sieze this opportunity to envelop you with debilitating guilt – the kind that leaves you feeling stuck and unable to move on. The kind of guilt that calls you a bad wife. The kind of guilt that tells you your arguing is ruining your children. The kind of guilt that whispers you’ll never change. The guilt that leaves you feeling hopeless and helpless.

Arm yourself with truth from the Word and fight to claim your status as beloved daughter of the King, holy and blameless before God because of the blood of Jesus, a work-in-progress woman who isn’t finished yet.

“Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” Rom. 8:33-35 (NASB)

It’s not the end of the story, friend. The Enemy has no right to accuse you any longer! Remembering your birthright gives you the weapon you need to defeat that post-argument hangover.

You argued with your husband...again... but then you reconciled. So why do you still feel defeated inside? Learn how to overcome the post-argument hangover emotions that keep you from experiencing victory. 4 Ways to Overcome the Post-argument Hangover


2. Remember who your husband is in Christ (or who he is without Christ if he is an unbeliever).

If your husband is a Christ-follower, then remind yourself that he is merely a work-in-progress, too. God’s not finished with him yet, just like He’s not done with you. It’s unfair to expect perfection! Learning to recognize the progress you are making dramatically affects your marriage.

Those changes you would like to see in your marriage and in your husband – keep praying for them just like the persistent widow from Luke 18. Jesus instructs us to follow her example in praying without losing heart.

“And the Lord said, ‘Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them?’ ” Luke 18:6-7 (NASB)

If your husband is not a believer, remember that he is at a disadvantage. He doesn’t have the Spirit of the Living God within him to help him choose right. For that reason, his battle to do right is a little bit tougher than yours. Have compassion on him and keep praying.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NASB)

3. Pray together for your marriage.

Overcome the post-argument hangover by first confessing your sin. Ask the Father to renew a right spirit in you and in your husband. Ask for protection from the attacks of the Enemy. Lift your voice to the Father who is able to bring about change in you! There’s something both powerful and intimate about crying out to the Lord together with your spouse.

“Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.” Psalm 51:1

4. Plan time to reconnect away from distractions.

The best way to avoid a post-argument hangover is not to fight in the first place, but on this side of Heaven, such perfection just isn’t possible!

In our seventeen years of marriage, I’ve found that we fight more frequently when we are both under a burden of stress, usually due to an overwhelmed schedule. When we’re too busy, we miss out on that all-important time to connect with each other. We grow short-tempered. We miscommunicate more often because we are hurrying here and there rather than stopping to make a game plan.

Suddenly we find ourselves on opposite teams with conflicting agendas. The longer this pattern continues, the wider the distance grows until one day when that man you live with fails to take out the trash after you asked him three times, he’s no longer your hard-working husband who is trying his best – no, in your mind he’s become the selfish jerk who expects you to do everything. The lack of connection leaves us with a skewed perspective, doesn’t it?

Don’t give your sinful nature or the Enemy the opportunity to degrade your husband and your marriage in such a way. Make time together a priority even if it’s just washing the dishes or going for a walk.

My friend, marriage is hard work. Even Christian marriage is hard work, and the Enemy surely wants us to fail. We must be on guard. We must be warrior wives who never give up fighting for the kind of love relationship our Father God intended us to experience.

Don’t let a post-argument hangover set you up for a subsequent failure.

Arm yourself with truth instead!

Jen 🙂


Being Confident of This is a website devoted to grace for the work-in-progress woman. Jen is learning to let go of perfection so she can fully embrace grace. She desires to help women from all walks of life understand their identity in Christ and find freedom in it!


Sharing at Grace & Truth