My Oxygen Mask, part 2

Yesterday I shared about my “oxygen mask” approach to life these days – the need for us, the caregivers, to care for ourselves so we are better equipped to care for those who truly need us. I shared a few changes that I have made in my life in order to focus on my own health and strength (and sanity!).

A few minutes ago I was reading a devotional for today. I have several that I read through on any given day. I love the on-going encouragement I get by reading them at various points through the day. This particular devotional was on encouragement – how we can be encouraging to others, even in small things.

I want to share some of that encouragement with you today. I want to share a very particular aspect of my “oxygen mask” approach to my life. This is a tough one, though, and I was glad for that reminder from the devotional, to be an encouragement to others. So – here it is.

Yesterday we talked about small changes we can make to carve out time for ourselves. Another key component in taking care of myself has been learning to say no. I mean truly learning to say no – and to be okay with it. We can say no often, that’s not really the hard part in my opinion.

I think the reason we struggle with saying no is because of the guilt and feelings attached to having to turn someone down, or having to say no to an event. We have had the notion of “SuperMom” drilled into our lives – take the kids to school (or homeschool the kids), run to sporting activities, appointments galore, clean the home, cook the meals, attend all the necessary school functions, serve on committees in church, volunteer for something, bake the required treats for an activity with friends – oh, and don’t forget to make sure you get a shower, get to eat your own 3 meals each day, exercise, get some laundry done. The list is endless and exhausting. Overwhelming and joy-squelching.

Stop for a moment. Put on YOUR oxygen mask and breathe. And now let’s look around at what really needs to be done – or maybe instead, at what you can let go of. I can almost hear you: “I can’t let go of anything.” I am THERE with you. I have been a perfectionist and think that everything should be just right. Having everything just right (perfect?) is wonderful, but at what cost? Is it worth it, for us to run all day, feeling scatter-brained, exhausted and like we’re missing out on our own lives?

Here’s my encouragement. Find something in your life to which you can say no. What does this look like, practically? For me, it’s the mad rush to work, work, work all evening. There’s a lot to be said for getting things done in the quiet of the evening, and I do – I often will throw in some wash, or sort through the mail, or fold laundry. But I no longer will pack my evening so full that I don’t get to rest or enjoy hanging out with my husband. Additionally, I’ve (only recently) been known to leave some pots and pans in the sink. (And all the perfectionists gasped in one accord! I know – I hear you!!) I enjoy waking up to a clean kitchen, same as the next person. But on the nights that I’m just too tired, I am okay with giving myself a break.

How about you - can you find one small thing that you can say no to, in order to give yourself a little more peace? Some ideas - maybe don’t jump to answer the phone when it rings, or maybe you can buy a snack for that meeting you’re going to rather than staying up late to bake something. Can you find just one simple thing? Start small. Choose your one thing, and give yourself permission to handle the situation in a different way, one that requires less of your time and energy. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be a little easier on yourself.

And that’s the key – being okay with granting yourself the permission to breathe. When a friend falls sick and cannot keep a commitment to us, we are quick to be compassionate and extend grace. We’ll probably also offer to run some errands for them or make them some soup. Why don’t we treat ourselves the same way? Why don’t we say, “I’ve had a long day, I’m going to cut myself a break”?

If a friend was as negative to us as we often are to ourselves, would we keep them in our lives? Do we make room for that kind of a friend in our lives? I doubt it. So get that negativity out of your own mind, and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. You deserve that kindness – just like your friend does.

If you missed part 1 of this series, you can find it here: My Oxygen Mask

This post is being shared at:

Share this: