Dear Friends, this is a post that I wrote from a place of incredible struggle almost exactly a year ago. At the time of writing this, I thought the worst was behind me and that I could move forward with ease. That turned out to be partly true, but there was still so much muck and mire to traverse. At the time I wrote this, I was convinced that God was able.
Able to what? To deliver, to heal, to restore, and to get me out of the mess in which I found myself.
God is healing, He is restoring, He is delivering me out of the mess - but not in the way I’d hoped. I wanted instant “mess-be-gone”. God, in His infinite wisdom, chose the deliverance of going through the situation, which is ongoing.
Can I just tell you? Come close because I don’t just want your ear to hear, I want to speak it to your heart, that it might rest in your soul.
God is delivering. God’s ways are always better. They are not pain-free, but oh, friend - HE is rest for our souls. HE is our deliverance. He is not just the God of mercy and grace; He IS mercy and He IS grace.
One year later, I can tell you with all my heart, with all my being, that trusting God is hard - but it’s hard because we see with these earthly eyes. God, though, is all-knowing. ALL-knowing. When I consider that, it makes infinitely more sense to trust Him than to trust myself. It’s still a journey, but we can do this.
I’m sharing this with my friends at The Loft this week. This is what intimacy with Jesus has been for me - abiding, not moving, choosing to stay put when everything seems to scream, “Run!”
Friend, if you are in a place of struggle, please - stay close to Jesus. Stay so close. Do not move. Trust God.
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Do not move.
I desperately wanted to escape.
Open your eyes.
All I wanted was to hide.
Do you trust Me?
I’m sure trying.
Look around.
What are you doing?
This isn’t yours to carry.
It sure feels like it.
Do you trust Me?
I’m trying, but I’d sure rather run and hide.
Do not move.
Okay, I will wait.
Open your eyes.
What am I looking for?
Me.
How will I know if I see you?
I am always there.
Yes, I know, but….
Do not move.
I’m trying to trust.
Just breathe.
I’m lacking hope.
I am Hope.
I think I see You.
You’re just seeing Me?
I think I’ve seen you all along.
Yes, and I will not let you go.
I will trust; I won’t move.
Watch and see what I am going to do.
I’m still trying to trust.
Remember, I can make masterpieces out of messes.
I’m sure trusting in that.
Are you trusting Me?
I’m trying, but some days it makes no sense.
Do not move; stay with Me.
I’m learning there’s nowhere better to be.
I’m reminded that You are refreshment for a dry, weary soul.
I’m learning that You are light in the darkest of nights.
I’m seeing that You are hope for those who have lost their way.
I’m discovering that You are the hand to hold in the midst of danger.
I’m finding that You are encouragement for a heart in despair.
I’m grasping that You are grace for the needy.
I’m sensing that You are salve for the broken-hearted.
I’m understanding that You are all I need.
Then you are doing well.
I am?
You have not moved.
I’m trying to stay with you.
Have you seen me?
Everywhere!
How’s your hope?
You are my Hope!
Do not move.
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Absolutely beautiful Becky…. Love how you wrote, shared, expressed.
Thank you for sharing….
xoxoxoxoxo
Chris Capolino recently posted…Frugal, Creative and Faith -Filled Christmas Gifts for Kids: 35 Educational and Home Made Ideas
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Rebekah Reply:
November 11th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
Thank you, Chris! So thankful to never be alone on this journey - grateful for all that God provides!
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Becky,
That is just wonderful. Just right for my own moment and seems to come from the same kind of moments. We must both be asking….”Why must we be blessed in tears?” I would prefer to FEEL blessed, to be smiling at the time and surrounded by loving and approving people. God says he catches our tears in a bottle. They must be very large bottles, indeed. The openings must be huge, too, as it would be a challenge to catch our tears as we flail around….bounce off walls….throw ourselves on the floor (so to speak) and scream (Well, don’t we want to do so?). Thank you for turning bruises into balms.
Carolyn
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Rebekah Reply:
November 11th, 2013 at 2:47 pm
God is so gracious to never leave us alone on this journey, and to always provide for our needs! I love the line from a current worship song that says, “If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking….” Just the concept that His grace is SO great that we cannot even begin to stand up under it as it just continually washes over us! Amazing…amazing grace! Love you!
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I needed this today! We are going through a season of uncertainty and I’m finding it hard to wait. I have to keep reminding myself that God will let us know what His will is in His perfect timing
In the meantime, I need to stay close to Him and not move until He tells us otherwise! Thank you for this reminder!
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Rebekah Reply:
November 11th, 2013 at 10:44 pm
I’m so glad this was a blessing to you - that makes me happy. It’s so nice to know that we go through these kinds of things and God can use them to bless others!
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Beautiful. Plain beautiful. Can I share it?
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Rebekah Reply:
December 15th, 2013 at 6:52 am
Thank you - the sharing icons are at the bottom of the post. Thanks!
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This is simply beautiful, Rebekah. Your words speak to my heart in the trial we are currently involved in. Thanks for sharing with The Loft crew!
Jen
Jen recently posted…Just a Closer Walk~ #TheLoft
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Rebekah Reply:
November 5th, 2014 at 2:02 am
This was written out of exactly that place, sweet friend. Hebrews 10:39 - ” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” Together…we can walk this road!
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I keep thinking of Psalm 46:10….be still and know that I am God. He simply requires us to let Him be God, and in that trusting our intimacy is deepened. Such a lovely reminder of His omnipotence and omniscience. Peace and grace, Becky.
Leah Adams recently posted…The Loft ~ A Tuesday Link-Up ~~ Intimacy with Jesus
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Rebekah Reply:
November 10th, 2014 at 8:01 am
Yes! That’s such a great Scripture to go along with this passage. I’ve considered that many times as I reflect on this. Praying that God shows Himself so real to all of us today!
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This is so beautiful. I relate to you on so many levels! I’ve found in my life, sometimes all I can do is stay close to Jesus and wait on God. I loved your dialogue between you and God..Such good perspective. Have a great week!
Cate Hoepner recently posted…Intimacy With Jesus: #TheLoft
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Rebekah Reply:
November 10th, 2014 at 8:02 am
It’s so contrary to our natures to have to sit and wait on God, isn’t it? Well, at least contrary to my nature.
And I think sometimes that’s why God allows situations where we must wait - because that’s the way we need to grow. Can’t say I understand why He does what He does, but I can trust! Blessings!!
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Just what I needed! I too am facing a year old trauma still buried within my spirit, I thought it was done some days were good some were hard but the full weight of it has hit me again and I realised I am far from being a bit messy. But God is saying to me Isaiah 26:3 - keep your thoughts on me, trust, rest. I am sure trying but it aint easy. Sometimes I got to bury my head and cry, other times I just keep on trying but i am sure not moving. No one really understands where i am but I know God does. I am sure thankful He does. Thank you for sharing - this has encouraged me in this walk.
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Rebekah Reply:
November 6th, 2014 at 1:36 pm
Dear Aliyah,
You are such an answer to MY prayer today - a prayer that was both sincere and selfish. I genuinely prayed that these words would be a blessing, but that someone would share that they understand. However, because you understand, it means that you’ve also suffered, as you shared, and I’m truly sorry for that. That was the part of my prayer that I realized was selfish, but sometimes we all need to know that we aren’t the only one. For me, some days are still messy - so very messy. Other days, though, are a little more neat and tidy, and I’m learning to allow myself that margin of knowing that this took time to get into and it will take time to get through. Even today, I had to speak words, out loud, to my fears and remind them that they are not of God and that they do not belong in my mind or heart. I am praying with you, and for you, trusting that God will continue to heal the hurt. Thank you, thank you, for being a blessing to me today!
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This is beautiful. I can really relate to your replies. Love the honesty.
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Ah Hallo dear friend! i dont think it was selfish at all - it was real and God just loves that. I am so glad you prayed that prayer. You know I am glad my comment was an answer how cool, I am blessed. Yes, indeed suffering as part of the package, but I spent some time with a recent acquaintance today and she was sharing her journey of suffering with me, which she is not going to counselling for and starting to heal. As I shared with her about stuff she looked at me and said you are on a blessed leg of your journey because so much has been healed and I realized she is right. I am dealing with the surface things left behind and oh boy they pain, but here it is good! I have also turned a corner today and sense God’s Light in this place. This morning in prayer as I was pouring my heart out, He showed me a moment of light and hope and I was like wow the clouds are actually shifting in this place, I was like wow! They are - even when I couldnt see them. So take courage my friend, you are not alone and I hold out my hands high and say “yes Lord for Rebekah you are doing it too, hope and life!!” Thank you for praying for me and I will pray for you too - I am so honoured when someone prays for me, that doesnt even know me. I also wanted to ask you to please pray for me, I have organised a women abuse conference on December 6th - for women to come and receive from God and be refreshed. May He have His way! Much lv!
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