Earlier this week one of our dogs jumped up and scratched my hand and lower arm. My hand was sore so I took off my wedding ring for about 36 hours, until it started feeling better. If you’ve ever had your ring off, or any item that you wear with great regularity, you know the feeling that something is missing. The day I took my ring off gave me a lot of time to think about marriage.
Marriages today do not have a lot working in their favor. We live in a society that wants to make sure that each individual gets what they need in order to feel good, do well, and move through life without anything holding them back.
* * * * *
Yesterday I spoke with a gentleman who was telling me the story of his recent injury. He fell off a dock, into the water, and hurt his back pretty badly. Apparently he was having some trouble while in the water because his wife had to jump in to help him.
That’s a pretty selfless act, isn’t it? I think, though, that most of us would do the same thing for a spouse or loved one.
This man’s wife, though?
She did not know how to swim.
I expressed my surprise to the gentleman. But here’s the other important part of this story. He was an older gentleman - it’s not like they were a young, newly-married couple.
In fact, he has been married to this lady, who could not swim, yet jumped into the water to save him, for 51 years.
Fifty-one years.
I asked him for the rest of the story. He said he was grateful for some substantial upper-body strength to be able to hold up his wife and himself. He also said that some friends had seen what happened and had worked quickly to help the couple get out of the water.
I asked about his wife and how she was doing. He indicated she had been scared, but that she was okay. And then he said that after 51 years she’s still willing to risk her life for him, so he plans to love her a little more and to be thankful for such a supportive spouse.
* * * * *
Marriages don’t have a lot going for them. We live in a culture that wants to provide an easy way out, no matter the situation.
We are friends with someone - until it’s an inconvenience.
We associate with people - as long as they help our reputation.
We stay married - until we get hurt, or until we don’t feel like being married.
For those hours when I was not wearing my ring, I considered all these things. I realized that if my marriage were to end, I wouldn’t be any different from many other people in our world today.
* * * * *
This summer will mark my 15th anniversary. I am hardly an “expert” on marriage - not at all. But it saddens me that I’ve already been married longer than many other people I know.
Please note:
This entire post is not a judgment against those who have walked the road of divorce.
Not at all.
Rather, I am hoping to provide encouragement for those of us
trying to stay married.
Marriage is tough. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong. Marriage isn’t impossible, but it’s not like they portray it in so many movies and TV shows.
Marriage takes a lot of communication, a lot of working together, a lot of selfless decisions - putting the needs of our spouse at the forefront of our mind.
So what do we do - those of us who really want to see our marriages work - in this world where so many people are only out for their own goals and ideals?
We work on the most important relationship.
And it’s not our marriage.
In this crazy, mixed-up world where life can change in a minute, Jesus is our only security. He is the rock, the security that we can have in our lives.
How do I know?
Because when things fall apart - as they inevitably will,
when others decide they are done with us and our hearts break - as they inevitably will,
and when marriage is hard, and we’re unsure if we want to continue, or even if we can continue,
He is our Hope.
* * * * *
Some amazing things happen when we pursue that relationship with Jesus.
-Life becomes a little easier as we rely on His strength.
-Hearts are mended as we allow His healing to work in our lives.
-Rough roads are made smooth.
-Relationships are healed.
Please note:
This is not a guarantee that God will FIX a relationship in the way we want Him to.
Rather, it is a promise that God will heal the relationships -
that He will provide what is needed in each relationship,
whether it’s restoration, healing as we move on,
whatever the specific need may be.
* * * * *
The day I took my ring off, as I pondered all these things, I realized that I need to keep trusting Jesus in my own relationships.
Marriage is hard, parenting is not for the faint of heart, friendships do require time and effort.
As I look around and see a world constantly in change, with everyone on the lookout for themselves, I want to be a champion for marriages. I want you to know that marriage is worth fighting for. I want to tell you that marriage should push you closer to God as you seek to minister to your spouse.
But I also want to tell you that the road isn’t easy. We need each other on our marriage journeys, to encourage one another, to support the sanctity of marriage, to help us strive to be the spouse we should be, to keep our focus properly directed on Jesus.
I want to be one of the couples who makes it to 50+ years of marriage. I want others in my life who are going to encourage my marriage journey; who are going to believe in my husband and me, even when the road is hard. I want people in my life who realize we’re all human - we all make mistakes, we all come to a relationship or marriage with baggage - and some of it is ugly baggage. And I want people who will look past the filth and walk the road with us, whatever that may look like.
And I want to be that same level of support for others - for you.
I want to be one of those couples who defy the odds, who live happily ever after.
And who live happily…
even after
all the storms of life and all the frustrations of our human imperfections.
And I want to encourage those who, like me, are struggling through marriage.
You see, I’m not sitting inside a perfect marriage, looking out, saying, “You, too, can have a marriage like this!”
Rather, I’m in the muck and mire of marriage - just like many others are, wondering what’s coming down the pike.
I’m committed to my marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m always confident in it. Sometimes life takes us on roads where we never intended to set foot.
I’m committed to my marriage,
but I’m confident in God.
He is the only one who can work out any relationship. He’s the friend when we feel alone. He’s the love we search for in this life.
* * * * *
I can’t guarantee that my marriage is going to work out anymore than I can guarantee that your marriage/friendship/relationship will work out. I hope it does - I pray it does, but only God knows. It’s often easy to point out the flaws in the other person. Sometimes it’s really easy.
But what if we took our marriage to God, left it with Him, and whole-heartedly pursued our relationship with Him? If we are drawing closer to Him, then we are doing the best thing we can do to make our marriage work.
I wish I could know for sure that my marriage will survive to see many decades together; I wish I could guarantee that for you, as well. I can’t, though.
I can’t guarantee marriage, but I can guarantee Jesus.
Proverbs 3: 5,6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
The day I took my ring off,
I realized that
I really don’t ever want to be without my wedding ring.
photo source
photo source
I’m sharing this post at
A Little R&R
Holley Gerth
I LOVE this post! You are right on in everything you say. My husband and I have been married for 35 years. We have had all the ups and downs that everyone experiences in life. The only reason we are still together is that we are two sinners who love Jesus and put Him first in our lives. Like you, I don’t say that to condemn anyone else that has gone through a divorce. But, my husband and I often think how easy it would have been to give up on one another years ago. Without God’s help we would have been doomed to fail. Now, 35 years later we get to enjoy the sweet reward of sharing our lives with the person who knows us best in the world…knows all my faults and loves me anyway. God is good.
Anita Morrison recently posted…Life Insurance is For the Living…Not the Dead – guest post by Dan Morrison
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Rebekah Reply:
June 7th, 2014 at 10:40 pm
Anita, thank you! I appreciate your words here and the insight into your story. Oh, how I love stories and seeing how God works in lives and marriages. Your words - “…two sinners who love Jesus…” YES! Thank you, thank you for your beautiful words here! Best wishes for many more years together, growing in God’s grace!
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Hello my Love,
I very much enjoyed your post and I am the husband of whom you spoke. I don’t often comment on your posts, but I wanted to comment on this one. You are the best person I’ve ever met. You make life enjoyable, and Jesus has helped me understand just how much I love you, and how much I need you.
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Rebekah Reply:
June 8th, 2014 at 1:38 am
Hi! I’m grateful for the knowledge and the reminders that we’re all works in progress. I’m grateful for the grace poured out in our lives!
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Rebekah my friend,
I love this post. You are in an amazing writer that God is using in a mighty way. Everything that you wrote here it is so right. I know our Savior provides Grace and Mercy daily to us and if HE commands us to do the same for others and that includes our spouse; however it is so difficult sometimes that only with the help of God and the Holy Spirit we are able to do so. Keep writting my friend.
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Rebekah Reply:
June 8th, 2014 at 9:42 pm
I agree, dear friend - it is so hard. It’s only by the grace of God, and by staying close to Him that marriage even stands a chance at working. Following God is the only way that anything can work out in life. I am so blessed to have strong friends who help keep my eyes focused on the most important thing. Grateful for you!! xo!
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Sweet friend, I have been praying for you - for so long. We are sinful people living in a sinful world and when we wake up and realize the person next to us needs grace and mercy from Jesus as much as we do - when we start sharing grace, mercy and true love that is when the rubber hits the road and we see others for who they are - no better or worse, just needing Jesus. Being sinful - in a sinful world means it’s just going to be hard, but when we seek Jesus and focus on Him - even when and if the rings come off - is always when He meets us and can work miracles that He has in store for us. You know part of my journey, part of our story… it’s a daily desire to put Jesus first and remember, I’m a sinner married to a sinner…
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Rebekah Reply:
June 9th, 2014 at 10:22 pm
Thank you - I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate your prayers. I am hoping to reply to you via email tomorrow night (Tuesday) when I have a little more time. I love your words - all of them - especially, “I’m a sinner married to a sinner…” I will be in touch now that I’m sort of getting my head back above water. I so appreciate you…praying God’s rich blessings on you this week! xo!!
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You’re spot on and I thank you for a beautifully written and insightful post on the joys, struggles and loving hope of Christian marriage. God bless, and shine on!!
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Rebekah Reply:
June 16th, 2014 at 7:30 am
Thank you, Marianne, and really that’s just it - the loving hope of Christian marriage. It’s to make us more like Jesus and less like the world. I appreciate your encouragement! Have a wonderful week!
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Please send me an email at marmo212 (at) yahoo. I have a gift I would like to send you relavent to this topic. Again, God bless!!
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Rebekah Reply:
June 16th, 2014 at 7:30 am
Sent, thank you!
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Thank you so much!
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Rebekah Reply:
June 16th, 2014 at 9:53 pm
You’re very welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a note - I really appreciate that!
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Becky,
This was so good. As someone divorced twice (married the same person twice) determined it had to be right, I finally realized that God was never first in my life. When I realized that was what I was supposed to do, my life has new meaning…with My relationship with God first, I have found someone who shares the same beliefs with me and puts God first. I know I will marry this man and I thank God for the way my life has changed instead of being embarrassed and ashamed. Thank you for this post. It gives marriage the meaning and sacredness it deserves in this world.
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Rebekah Reply:
June 17th, 2014 at 5:42 pm
Love, love, LOVE your comment here!!! I’m SO happy for you and SO glad to know how God is working! I’ve seen you two a few times and wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry.
So happy to hear how God is working in your life! Blessings, sweet friend!!
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I love this post. Unfortunately for me, my marriage didn’t work. I was married for 12 years and found out that my now ex-husband has had a girlfriend for over a year. I tried everything to make our marriage work but he was no longer wanting to be with me!!!!! I hope that the next person (if there ever is one) will be the right one. Tired of making mistakes and getting hurt and heart broken!!!! Your post was amazing!!!!!
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Rebekah Reply:
June 17th, 2014 at 5:40 pm
Thank you so much for sharing some of your precious story here. Trusting and praying with you that God will heal your heart and that if there is a next relationship for you, that God will be first and foremost in your heart, and that He will begin to prepare you, even now, for that! Thank you for taking time to read and share your heart!
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Rebekah, this is just amazing. Amazing! I reached a point in life where I didn’t think I wanted to work at it any more. We had two children and life was stressful as it was… I felt unheard. Unappreciated. Unloved. I know I wasn’t unloved…but we were struggling with communication and both of us had things on our hearts (that we carried for years) that were never said. Finally - we were able to say them. And with God’s healing, here we are 7 years later and stronger than ever. And with two more children! Thank you for your honesty - and your wonderful talent of sharing it with us. Blessings!
Jennifer Frisbie recently posted…Embracing what hurts…
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Rebekah Reply:
June 19th, 2014 at 10:28 pm
I love that your story has such a sweet ending! But I know the pain on the front side of your story, too. Communication is such a key…but a lack of it can be such a killer, can’t it? Ours was slipping away (and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s completely back yet), but we are actively working on that here, too. A sweet friend gave me a small sentence that holds so much truth, and I’m clinging to it. I want to share it with you, so that you, too, can hold onto it on the tough days: “I’m a sinner, married to a sinner.” So simplistic, but such a reminder that as a couple, we are both in such need of grace. And God gives freely! Thank you for sharing here - blessings on your sweet family, and I’m praying that God gives you and your husband many, MANY more happy, fulfilling, precious years together!
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Beautiful. My husband and I will be married 30 years next week. We live every day like it was a gift and like it was our last.
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Rebekah Reply:
June 22nd, 2014 at 7:39 pm
Happy anniversary to you both! Congratulations on 30 years and best wishes for MANY more!! Great advice - life is a gift, and we never know when it’s our last day.
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What an inspiring story of the gentleman who jumped in the water to save his spouse!
I agree with you that our society has made relationships about what is best for ourselves, and not about the other person….selfishness is reigning in most peoples hearts (and we have to guard constantly in our own I might add).
This was a great reminder of the sanctity and importance of biblical marriage. Congrats on 15 years together! That is truly a great accomplishment
Rach D recently posted…~’Thinking of Homeschooling’ Series (part 1) AND a Special Announcement~
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Rebekah Reply:
July 15th, 2014 at 10:31 am
Rachel, so true - selfishness is what seems to be at the center of most lives today. Thank you for the congratulations on 15 years! Definitely looking ahead to all that God will continue to do. Blessings!
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What a way with words you have, my friend. The Lord is using you!
Arabah recently posted…Praying Scripture for Your Children: A-Z Virtues
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Rebekah Reply:
July 21st, 2014 at 9:16 am
It’s only Him! Saying “yes” to His will, and writing His words has already taken me on quite the adventure. And He continues to bless, and you are one of those blessings! I’m so grateful that we’ve connected across the many, many miles! Praying for you today!!
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That would be a good post title. Congrats on 15 years! And I’m here to tell you, 31 is possible with God. At about the ten year mark it was a tough go here…but God. He made a way and when we stuck it out…now-WOW!
Okay, there are STILL muddy miry days, but mostly it’s wow.
Kathy Schwanke recently posted…No Need To Scrunch or Punch: What To Do When People Have An Agenda For You
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:57 pm
Amen… BUT God! I’m looking forward to moving on and continuing to move closer together as the years go by. It’s been a tough start, but I’m looking forward to what’s ahead!
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Hi, Becky! I find myself nodding yes to so much in this post, but what I like most is that you just point us back to Jesus. Abiding in Him really is the best thing we can do for our marriage!
Jen
Jen recently posted…The Loft – “Potluck” Style
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:53 pm
I keep nodding, too. I was just commenting to someone else how “funny” it is that God has us write these posts and then brings US back to read them. (…a little hard-headed I am…
) Thank you for your sweet words! XO!
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Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done. Greg and I will celebrate our 20th in January and it is only by God’s grace that we are still married. I gave us plenty of opportunity early on to NOT be married, but God held us together, and we are so thankful. It is true…only Jesus is the super-glue that holds marriage together. Bless you my friend for bring this post to The Loft.
Leah Adams recently posted…The Loft ~ A Tuesday Link Up ~ Pot Luck
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:51 pm
20 years…just beautiful! I’m certainly praying for many more happy years ahead! We have such a knack for messing things up, don’t we? (especially me, in my perfectionist tendencies…sigh). I’m glad God doesn’t require perfection, just a persistent following where He leads! Blessings, friend!!
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What a truly wonderful piece of writing and so apt, as I have just recently been married. I think everything that you have said is spot on and I pray that I take this message to heart throughout this covenant journey. I am encouraged by your honesty and I look forward to reading more of your posts
Ruth Clemence recently posted…What’s the Weather Doing?
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:48 pm
First of all, congratulations on your marriage! I’m praying that God gives you many, many happy years together!! And second, you are so correct in your choice of words - a covenant journey. Keep God as the main focus, keep seeking Him, and He will continue to bring you closer together! Thank you for joining us at The Loft! I am looking forward to reading more of your posts as well! Blessings!!
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Thank you for sharing this!!! So many times people, Christians included, just toss away their marriages. Marriage is worth fighting for, and it is something we have to leave in God’s hands…it is quite the balance.
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:45 pm
Quite the balance indeed…it’s one of those things that we, ourselves, cannot perfect because another human is involved (and we’re all imperfect!
) but at the same time, we want to be drawing closer to Jesus, especially in our marriage. Thank you, Kristen, for those words - just what I needed today: “quite the balance”. That’s on my heart now!
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This is so beautifully written. I loved your story about the sweet old couple. What a testimony! I love what you said about Jesus being our only guarantee. So true! I think I said Amen like ten times while reading this.
Thank you for this encouragement!
Cate
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Rebekah Reply:
September 9th, 2014 at 7:43 pm
I say Amen each time I read it, too - funny how God gives us words to write, and then brings us back to them to be reminded of something He’s trying to teach us!
Marriage is hard work, I’ve come to find, but it’s GOOD work when we’re focusing on the relationship through God’s eyes! Thank you for your kind words! 
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Good post. I’ve only been married for three years, today, but I’ve done a lot marriage prayer ministry with people in the Healing Rooms at our church and through Victorious Ministry Through Christ.
I like the way your writing ebbs and flows and is very encouraging
Lizzy recently posted…A Song and a Prayer
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Rebekah Reply:
September 10th, 2014 at 8:17 am
Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words about the writing! I’m always thrilled to hear when people are praying for marriages - thank you! That’s really the best we can do, isn’t it? How beautiful that God gives us the opportunity to carry each other before the throne of grace. Thank you for all the marriages you have stood for!
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Here I sat, upset at my husband for his selfishness and pondering why or how did I end up in this “crap!”. But your blog reminded me that this marriage is worth fighting for. I’m reminded of the small, far and few between selfless moments that he has displayed. Then I feel better. It was worth waiting for. I thank God that these moments last in my mind. God is still working on me. Thank you for this blog.
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Rebekah Reply:
September 10th, 2014 at 8:15 am
Believe me when I tell you that I understand…ALL of what you just said! This post is just as much for me as for anyone else. Sharing this gently with myself today, too. I read a quote yesterday that helped me remember to keep things in perspective. It read, “All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” -Helen Keller. I know sometimes I need the reminder to get my eyes out of the muck and mire and back up to God. Praying for you today, and for your marriage. May God richly bless you! Thank you for taking time to leave a note today - it’s encouraged me greatly!
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I loved this post too. What a great conversation. When we are committed we are fully in EVEN when we can’t swim.
Chris Malkemes recently posted…Conversation at THE LOFT - What Should I Do With My Journals?
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After thirty-four years of marriage, we have gone through prison, cancer, loss of homes and burying children. I can boldly attest to the fact that there is happiness, even after! Only because our God is so good and constantly so kind. His mercies never come to an end!
Thank you for speaking that truth to this generation.
Deb recently posted…Cheetah Chasing
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Rebekah Reply:
September 11th, 2014 at 1:32 pm
Deb, wow…what a powerful testimony! You have been SUCH a blessing in sharing these few words - the exact words you’ve shared here are some of the struggles that I’ve been going through myself. How timely that God sends these words just when I need them! Thank you for being brave to share these words. Thank you!
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Coming from The Loft (late this week)- I loved the illustration of the married couple and I loved that taking off your ring prompted you to think on marriage!
Ren recently posted…Ode to My Father-in-law
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