marriage Archives - Journeying Outside My Box

Earlier this week one of our dogs jumped up and scratched my hand and lower arm. My hand was sore so I took off my wedding ring for about 36 hours, until it started feeling better. If you’ve ever had your ring off, or any item that you wear with great regularity, you know the feeling that something is missing. The day I took my ring off gave me a lot of time to think about marriage.

Marriages today do not have a lot working in their favor. We live in a society that wants to make sure that each individual gets what they need in order to feel good, do well, and move through life without anything holding them back.

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Yesterday I spoke with a gentleman who was telling me the story of his recent injury. He fell off a dock, into the water, and hurt his back pretty badly. Apparently he was having some trouble while in the water because his wife had to jump in to help him.

That’s a pretty selfless act, isn’t it? I think, though, that most of us would do the same thing for a spouse or loved one.

This man’s wife, though?

She did not know how to swim.

I expressed my surprise to the gentleman. But here’s the other important part of this story. He was an older gentleman - it’s not like they were a young, newly-married couple.

In fact, he has been married to this lady, who could not swim, yet jumped into the water to save him, for 51 years.

Fifty-one years.

I asked him for the rest of the story. He said he was grateful for some substantial upper-body strength to be able to hold up his wife and himself. He also said that some friends had seen what happened and had worked quickly to help the couple get out of the water.

I asked about his wife and how she was doing. He indicated she had been scared, but that she was okay. And then he said that after 51 years she’s still willing to risk her life for him, so he plans to love her a little more and to be thankful for such a supportive spouse.

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Marriages don’t have a lot going for them. We live in a culture that wants to provide an easy way out, no matter the situation.

We are friends with someone - until it’s an inconvenience.
We associate with people - as long as they help our reputation.
We stay married - until we get hurt, or until we don’t feel like being married.

For those hours when I was not wearing my ring, I considered all these things. I realized that if my marriage were to end, I wouldn’t be any different from many other people in our world today.

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This summer will mark my 15th anniversary. I am hardly an “expert” on marriage - not at all. But it saddens me that I’ve already been married longer than many other people I know.

Please note:
This entire post is not a judgment against those who have walked the road of divorce.
Not at all.
Rather, I am hoping to provide encouragement for those of us
trying to stay married.

Marriage is tough. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong. Marriage isn’t impossible, but it’s not like they portray it in so many movies and TV shows.

Marriage takes a lot of communication, a lot of working together, a lot of selfless decisions - putting the needs of our spouse at the forefront of our mind.

So what do we do - those of us who really want to see our marriages work - in this world where so many people are only out for their own goals and ideals?

We work on the most important relationship.

And it’s not our marriage.

In this crazy, mixed-up world where life can change in a minute, Jesus is our only security. He is the rock, the security that we can have in our lives.

How do I know?

Because when things fall apart - as they inevitably will,
when others decide they are done with us and our hearts break - as they inevitably will,
and when marriage is hard, and we’re unsure if we want to continue, or even if we can continue,

He is our Hope.

* * * * *

Some amazing things happen when we pursue that relationship with Jesus.

-Life becomes a little easier as we rely on His strength.
-Hearts are mended as we allow His healing to work in our lives.
-Rough roads are made smooth.
-Relationships are healed.

Please note:
This is not a guarantee that God will FIX a relationship in the way we want Him to.
Rather, it is a promise that God will heal the relationships -
that He will provide what is needed in each relationship,
whether it’s restoration, healing as we move on,
whatever the specific need may be.

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The day I took my ring off, as I pondered all these things, I realized that I need to keep trusting Jesus in my own relationships.

Marriage is hard, parenting is not for the faint of heart, friendships do require time and effort.

As I look around and see a world constantly in change, with everyone on the lookout for themselves, I want to be a champion for marriages. I want you to know that marriage is worth fighting for. I want to tell you that marriage should push you closer to God as you seek to minister to your spouse.

But I also want to tell you that the road isn’t easy. We need each other on our marriage journeys, to encourage one another, to support the sanctity of marriage, to help us strive to be the spouse we should be, to keep our focus properly directed on Jesus.

I want to be one of the couples who makes it to 50+ years of marriage. I want others in my life who are going to encourage my marriage journey; who are going to believe in my husband and me, even when the road is hard. I want people in my life who realize we’re all human - we all make mistakes, we all come to a relationship or marriage with baggage - and some of it is ugly baggage. And I want people who will look past the filth and walk the road with us, whatever that may look like.

And I want to be that same level of support for others - for you.

I want to be one of those couples who defy the odds, who live happily ever after.

And who live happily…
even after

all the storms of life and all the frustrations of our human imperfections.

And I want to encourage those who, like me, are struggling through marriage.

You see, I’m not sitting inside a perfect marriage, looking out, saying, “You, too, can have a marriage like this!”

Rather, I’m in the muck and mire of marriage - just like many others are, wondering what’s coming down the pike.

I’m committed to my marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m always confident in it. Sometimes life takes us on roads where we never intended to set foot.

I’m committed to my marriage,
but I’m confident in God.

He is the only one who can work out any relationship. He’s the friend when we feel alone. He’s the love we search for in this life.

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I can’t guarantee that my marriage is going to work out anymore than I can guarantee that your marriage/friendship/relationship will work out. I hope it does - I pray it does, but only God knows. It’s often easy to point out the flaws in the other person. Sometimes it’s really easy.

But what if we took our marriage to God, left it with Him, and whole-heartedly pursued our relationship with Him? If we are drawing closer to Him, then we are doing the best thing we can do to make our marriage work.

I wish I could know for sure that my marriage will survive to see many decades together; I wish I could guarantee that for you, as well. I can’t, though.

I can’t guarantee marriage, but I can guarantee Jesus.