Finding My Voice

How do you process life? How do you take what has happened to you and transition it from an event that occurred, to a milestone of the heart? For me, it’s through writing. At least, at this point in my life. I suppose that makes me a writer.

Lately, though, my posts here have been very infrequent. Why? Because just after I posted this (one of my all-time favorite posts), I had a real-life experience with brokenness. The things that happened found me stuck, very stuck, in terms of trying to find my voice again.

I spent the days trying to keep life normal, and the nights trying to catch up.

I wanted words to come, words that I could share with you to encourage you and to hide behind. But the words would not come.

And so I took the advice that I would give to any of you - I sat with my feelings. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I still sit with my feelings.

I trust that God will do something with what sometimes feels like a jumbled mess inside my heart.

I know He will.

How do I know? Because He already is doing something! I’m not sure what, but I know He’s at work.

And so I’m writing tonight - not so much for you, but for myself. I’m getting words on paper (well, sorta!) and I’m working on the things that go along with my writing here (photo editing, general editing, paragraph formation, and using my own voice). I am letting the words out of my heart, and I am not so concerned with much in the way of editing them tonight.

What does my voice sound like?

I hope that it is full of love and encouragement.
I trust that my voice is full of hope.
I want my voice to be one that encourages you to share your story.
As a mother, I want my voice to instill worth and value,
dignity and morality.
I pray that my voice inspires you to see past me, and to see Jesus.

But having temporarily lost my voice, and now struggling to get it back, my voice feels shaky. My voice feels quiet. And I don’t feel brave to attempt my writing too often.

That’s why I’m writing tonight, though - because sometimes we have to push through the fear, through the uncertainty, through the doubt and try again.

And so I am going back to what I know - to the One I know - and I want to tell you, despite the muck and mire of where I’ve been, that -

God is faithful,
Jesus still saves,
the Holy Spirit still provides comfort,
the body of Christ is a sure support,
family are forever,
friends still provide meals,
Love still wins,
and
God never fails.

Tonight? That’s my voice - hopefully full of hope and reminders of God’s goodness in all aspects of our lives. God is always at work, but we can’t always see what He is doing. It’s not for us to see it all. (After all, He is God; we are not.) But it is for us to trust!

And tonight, I want to leave you with one of my favorite passages - I pray that it blesses you as much as it does me. A friend and I were discussing this passage recently. Take your time as you read through this probably-familiar passage. Let it sink into your heart, and ask God to make it even more meaningful.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
-Ephesians 3:14-21

Thank you for walking with me tonight as I push through to get my voice back. It’s definitely coming back, and I’m following what I believe God has for me and for us here.

Much love to you, dear friends!