You Have to Tell Him

I hear you’ve been having those same feelings again – the fear, the insecurities, the frustration. Me, too. And does your husband walk around with what seems like very little regard for your feelings? Mine, too. I think he should be expressing more care and concern a lot of the time – after all, we’re married and he knows my feelings.

I had a situation recently that served as a great reminder for me.

Come close: Just because you’re married does not mean he knows your feelings. He may know of them, but he may not realize they are ongoing. You have to tell him how you’re feeling – you have to share those fears, insecurities and frustrations with him.

I was struggling with my own fears and insecurities recently. I had shared them with my husband, and because they were ongoing, at least from my perspective, I figured that he still knew and understood my feelings. I presumed that his lack of acknowledgement of them meant a disinterest in dealing with them.

So along with my fear and insecurity, I let my frustration and anger toward him grow for a little while.

One Saturday night, I went to bed a little later than usual. Ever so gently, my husband asked what was wrong. I started by saying nothing was wrong – I was just tired. He didn’t buy it. 

And that’s when I told him….

Figuring that I’d bottled it and battled it for long enough, I shared my feelings with him. All the fears, the insecurities, the frustrations. 

You Have to Tell Him - Sharing your feelings with your husband allows him to step into his leadership role

I expected that he would acknowledge my feelings in the moment and share kind words to help me feel better. He offered those, plentifully. But more than that, the longer we talked, the more he shared his perspective of my feelings. He took ownership of this particular issue, from the biblical head of household position.

I was comforted by his kindness – his words, his validation of my feelings, his acknowledgement of my fear and frustration. More than that, though, because I had communicated, the door had opened for him to step into the his role of protecting my heart. He took the opportunity to put his hand on my heart and let me know that this was something I did not have to worry about. As the head of our home, it was his situation to deal with from here on out, he said.

I remember asking several times – “I don’t have to worry about this?”

He gently answered, “No, this is mine to handle.”

See, it wasn’t that he didn’t care about my feelings, or that he’d written them off. He honestly didn’t know they were ongoing and so he hadn’t addressed them. It took my opening up to him to allow him to provide the peace, the security and the leadership that I needed.

If our husbands can provide that for us, how much more does our Heavenly Father desire to provide peace, care and protection for us?

He knows our feelings, of course he does. After all, He created us.

But He desires us to come to Him, to share with Him, to communicate our heart with Him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

Dear friend, can I encourage you to try this? When you are feeling frustrated, share your heart with your husband, and with your Heavenly Father. Yes, those fears, insecurities and frustrations are real, but so is the peace, the love and the comfort you can feel.

This post originally appeared on Christian Wife University. 
original photo source


  1. SUCH truth! Why do we think he always knows our hearts and minds? It’s a dangerous assumption and one I was guilty of this weekend. 🙂 Thanks for sharing this important message!
    Sarah Ann recently posted…Balancing Summer Fun & Mom SanityMy Profile


    Rebekah Reply:

    So true – half the time my husband’s brain is going in a couple different directions, and he’s thinking about a lot of things related to work, family, things to fix around the house, etc. It’s a shame that I just presume he knows what’s going on inside my head, too. A lesson I keep on learning! Thanks, Sarah Ann!


  2. This comes naturally to me when working with my little ones, so why do I forget to do it with my husband? Good reminder, friend! 🙂
    Jen recently posted…The Key to Finding True LoveMy Profile


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