A few weeks ago, we went through “The Big One” - one of the biggest meltdowns/breakthroughs that we’ve ever had with our son. It was “the big one” in terms of the severity of the situation. And I was so torn, as I knew that it was progress, yet it was so hard to see that in the midst of everything that went wrong.

He struggles with imperfection. If he has created it (in any form – written, drawn, crafted, etc.) and it’s not perfect, then ultimately, it’s not okay in his mind. We’re working so hard to change that, but please, for a minute, consider the stress that the need for perfection puts on us as adults. And now, realize that our son has just turned nine years old, and already carries more need for perfection, due to his special needs, than I carry as an adult. It’s devastating when something doesn’t go right.

I don’t want to go into all the details of what happened. But here’s what I want you to know: I came out of that meltdown, which occurred at one of his therapies, bruised and battered. He struggled with an issue regarding perfection and everything in him just boiled over. It was the most difficult thing that I’ve ever had to go through with him.

Today, I realized that the bruises, the cuts, the physical reminders of that day are gone. I don’t fear taking him for therapy, as I did the week after this all happened. I know that if things go wrong again, we will find a way to work them out with him.

The emotional damage took its toll, and while I am not afraid of him or of dealing with him, there is still a place in my heart that hurts. My pain, though, is not because this did happen, but because it had to happen; because he *had to* process through all of this in order to make a breakthrough.

Being a parent to a child with special needs can be so difficult at times. But there are gifts at every turn, and that’s what makes this a breakthrough, not just another meltdown. I won’t have scars to remind me of all of this; his efforts at communication are better; he had one successful time of not hitting a sibling as a form of retaliation.

But even better, a friend stepped up to say, “I want to know what you deal with.” Let me give you a minute to digest that. What a blessing! Ultimately, it means that our son has another advocate out there in the world – someone with whom he knows he is safe. For him, in a world of uncertainty, another friend is really the best gift!