I’m sure you’ve heard what “they” say about patience - something along the lines of, “Don’t pray for patience, because you will get plenty of opportunities to work on your patience.” Well, I listened to “them” and stopped praying for patience for a while. After all, I had a lot going on; the last thing I really needed was another opportunity to practice patience. I decided to pray for perseverance instead - the ability to keep on going.
I think my change in perspective, from praying for patience to praying for perseverance, originally came a few years ago. Many days (and nights) we were up to our eyeballs in dealing with our son and his special needs, and trying to keep life as close to normal as we possibly could for our other two kids. I was tired of being patient with him, but I knew that I had to keep going, so I transitioned to praying for perseverance to get through some of the tougher days.
Praying for perseverance brought me many opportunities to keep going; it afforded me many chances to try, and try again. Things certainly weren’t smooth sailing for me, but it didn’t frustrate me, either, like praying for patience did. I was persevering. I was able to keep going.
Recently, I was doing a book study with some friends and we were talking about patience. I was sharing my aversion to praying for patience. As I shared, a thought occurred to me - one I don’t think I’ve considered before.
I think I was praying for perseverance because that was something I could control. I could determine to what extent I persevered, how hard I worked in any given situation, how much time and effort I continued to put forth.
Praying for patience, though, meant that I was relinquishing control and waiting on someone else. Maybe it was God, maybe it was someone from the school, maybe it was a child. I could not persevere and push through; I had to choose to stop and wait.
Want to know a secret? {I don’t like to wait.}
(Insert a collective, “Oh, REALLY?!” from everyone who knows me, right here…
go ahead, I know, and you’re right to respond that way.)
I don’t like to wait. I don’t like to not be the one in control. I like gauging my day by my effort, by giving my best, by living up to the standard I know I can attain on any given day.
But, that’s not what God is wanting me to learn - at least, not right now.
Right now, He is showing me how He is faithful to work everything out. How do I know? I used to work so hard to schedule everything exactly right. When I gave up persisting and starting being patient, I saw God work things out in amazing ways to make sure that everything fits beautifully into our week. And the way our schedule works out this year, we’re ending up with at least two full days at home each week! Our busiest days are in the middle of the week, and they will definitely be full, but that ensures that we’ll have good chunks of time at home, able to catch up on work, get some rest and not have to run in another direction. When I was patient, rather than persistent, God worked that out for us!
There’s also a certain freedom in stopping the hard work of perseverance, and beginning the waiting that comes with being patient. Sure, you can wait impatiently, but that kind of defeats the purpose, so I’m trying to wait patiently.
How am I doing that?
PAUSE - I’m intentionally choosing to stop and to remember that I’m working on being patient, rather than pushing through to make my own solution.
PRAY - I take time to pray, remembering that God is eager to hear from me, and asking for His help as I try to be patient in my waiting.
PAY attention - I turn my focus to other things - laundry, dishes, reading with my kids, talking to my husband, encouraging someone else. I actively try to get whatever I’m waiting for out of my mind, unless I’m praying about it.
Do you notice that they’re all things that require an action or intentional choice on my part? It’s not just that I decide, “Oh, I won’t persist; I’ll be patient.” No, for me, I have to intentionally (each time) work at making the choice to be patient.
Have you given up on praying for patience? Can I encourage you to try again? Be intentional in your efforts. Slow down in your persistence so that you can let God help you increase your patience! After all, you know what “they” say - “Good things come to those who wait!”
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A Royal Daughter
Moms, take your eyes off of others, and fix them only on God. Stop comparing your family to anyone else’s family; God is calling us all to different things, so it does not make sense to compare. Only measure your family against what God is calling you to, and ask God for more of Himself in your family, and in your mothering.
