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The Day I Took My Ring Off

Earlier this week one of our dogs jumped up and scratched my hand and lower arm. My hand was sore so I took off my wedding ring for about 36 hours, until it started feeling better. If you’ve ever had your ring off, or any item that you wear with great regularity, you know the feeling that something is missing. The day I took my ring off gave me a lot of time to think about marriage.

The Day I Took My Ring Off - and what I really learned || rebekahmhallberg.com

Marriages today do not have a lot working in their favor. We live in a society that wants to make sure that each individual gets what they need in order to feel good, do well, and move through life without anything holding them back.

* * * * *


Yesterday I spoke with a gentleman who was telling me the story of his recent injury. He fell off a dock, into the water, and hurt his back pretty badly. Apparently he was having some trouble while in the water because his wife had to jump in to help him.

That’s a pretty selfless act, isn’t it? I think, though, that most of us would do the same thing for a spouse or loved one.

This man’s wife, though?

She did not know how to swim.

 

I expressed my surprise to the gentleman. But here’s the other important part of this story. He was an older gentleman - it’s not like they were a young, newly-married couple.

In fact, he has been married to this lady, who could not swim, yet jumped into the water to save him, for 51 years.

Fifty-one years.

I asked him for the rest of the story. He said he was grateful for some substantial upper-body strength to be able to hold up his wife and himself. He also said that some friends had seen what happened and had worked quickly to help the couple get out of the water.

I asked about his wife and how she was doing. He indicated she had been scared, but that she was okay. And then he said that after 51 years she’s still willing to risk her life for him, so he plans to love her a little more and to be thankful for such a supportive spouse.

* * * * *

Marriages don’t have a lot going for them. We live in a culture that wants to provide an easy way out, no matter the situation.

We are friends with someone - until it’s an inconvenience.
We associate with people - as long as they help our reputation.
We stay married - until we get hurt, or until we don’t feel like being married.

For those hours when I was not wearing my ring, I considered all these things. I realized that if my marriage were to end, I wouldn’t be any different from many other people in our world today.

* * * * *

This summer will mark my 15th anniversary. I am hardly an “expert” on marriage - not at all. But it saddens me that I’ve already been married longer than many other people I know.

Please note:
This entire post is not a judgment against those who have walked the road of divorce.
Not at all.
Rather, I am hoping to provide encouragement for those of us
trying to stay married.

Marriage is tough. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong. Marriage isn’t impossible, but it’s not like they portray it in so many movies and TV shows.

Marriage takes a lot of communication, a lot of working together, a lot of selfless decisions - putting the needs of our spouse at the forefront of our mind.

So what do we do - those of us who really want to see our marriages work - in this world where so many people are only out for their own goals and ideals?

We work on the most important relationship.

And it’s not our marriage.

 

In this crazy, mixed-up world where life can change in a minute, Jesus is our only security. He is the rock, the security that we can have in our lives.

How do I know?

Because when things fall apart - as they inevitably will,
when others decide they are done with us and our hearts break - as they inevitably will,
and when marriage is hard, and we’re unsure if we want to continue, or even if we can continue,

He is our Hope.

 

* * * * *

Some amazing things happen when we pursue that relationship with Jesus.

-Life becomes a little easier as we rely on His strength.
-Hearts are mended as we allow His healing to work in our lives.
-Rough roads are made smooth.
-Relationships are healed.

Please note:
This is not a guarantee that God will FIX a relationship in the way we want Him to.
Rather, it is a promise that God will heal the relationships -
that He will provide what is needed in each relationship,
whether it’s restoration, healing as we move on,
whatever the specific need may be.

* * * * *

The day I took my ring off, as I pondered all these things, I realized that I need to keep trusting Jesus in my own relationships.

Marriage is hard, parenting is not for the faint of heart, friendships do require time and effort.

As I look around and see a world constantly in change, with everyone on the lookout for themselves, I want to be a champion for marriages. I want you to know that marriage is worth fighting for. I want to tell you that marriage should push you closer to God as you seek to minister to your spouse.

But I also want to tell you that the road isn’t easy. We need each other on our marriage journeys, to encourage one another, to support the sanctity of marriage, to help us strive to be the spouse we should be, to keep our focus properly directed on Jesus.

I want to be one of the couples who makes it to 50+ years of marriage. I want others in my life who are going to encourage my marriage journey; who are going to believe in my husband and me, even when the road is hard. I want people in my life who realize we’re all human - we all make mistakes, we all come to a relationship or marriage with baggage - and some of it is ugly baggage. And I want people who will look past the filth and walk the road with us, whatever that may look like.

And I want to be that same level of support for others - for you.

I want to be one of those couples who defy the odds, who live happily ever after.

And who live happily…
even after

all the storms of life and all the frustrations of our human imperfections.

And I want to encourage those who, like me, are struggling through marriage.

You see, I’m not sitting inside a perfect marriage, looking out, saying, “You, too, can have a marriage like this!

Rather, I’m in the muck and mire of marriage - just like many others are, wondering what’s coming down the pike.

I’m committed to my marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m always confident in it. Sometimes life takes us on roads where we never intended to set foot.

I’m committed to my marriage,
but I’m confident in God.

He is the only one who can work out any relationship. He’s the friend when we feel alone. He’s the love we search for in this life.

* * * * *

I can’t guarantee that my marriage is going to work out anymore than I can guarantee that your marriage/friendship/relationship will work out. I hope it does - I pray it does, but only God knows. It’s often easy to point out the flaws in the other person. Sometimes it’s really easy.

But what if we took our marriage to God, left it with Him, and whole-heartedly pursued our relationship with Him? If we are drawing closer to Him, then we are doing the best thing we can do to make our marriage work.

I wish I could know for sure that my marriage will survive to see many decades together; I wish I could guarantee that for you, as well. I can’t, though.

I can’t guarantee marriage, but I can guarantee Jesus.

I can't guarantee marriage, but I can guarantee Jesus  rebekahmhallberg.com

Proverbs 3: 5,6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

The day I took my ring off,
I realized that
I really don’t ever want to be without my wedding ring.

 

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Validation: The Witch Doctor or Jesus?

Validation. We all love it - that pat on the back when we are doing well, that encouraging word when we’ve met the goal, the simple reminder that we are seen and noticed. As a blogger, some of that validation comes in the form of comments. I LOVE to hear from you. I LOVE to hear what God is doing in your life. And if God has used anything I’ve written here, I appreciate knowing that, so that I can thank Him for being faithful in this small space!

And so recently when I noticed some comments here, I was eager to read them and to gain a little insight into who was reading these posts. As I shared earlier this year, this blog has been read by someone - at least one person! - in half the countries in the world.

(You can read about that here: To The Ends of the World)

I grew up in a missionary family. I was born in the states, but spent my early years in west Africa. I don’t remember much, I don’t speak the languages anymore (I can understand a little bit, sometimes), and there’s really nothing that I can point back to with any great remembrance.

Except for one thing.

To this day, when I look through my parents’ pictures, I still get a sense of discomfort, of uneasiness, of…almost a fear…when I look at pictures of the “parade” that was part of the tribal ritual to take the young boys out to the bush for whatever “ceremony” it was that would end with their transition into manhood. I don’t remember details, I don’t remember the events, but the pictures still bring up those same feelings.

The witch doctor was the “revered religion” so to speak. Sickness? Injury? Problem? For a price, the witch doctor could “fix” the problem for you. This is still a belief in many areas of the world today.

What does that have to do with my validation at this space? Well, it has to do with some comments I’ve received recently. I have the comments here on the blog set in such a manner that if you comment, and it’s your first time to leave a comment, I have to go in and approve it. Once I approve it, future comments that you write will go through right away, but I must approve your first comment, and I can delete any that are inappropriate, at any time.

I was excited for the alert that I had comments recently - happy that I was writing something with which the readers were connecting. Happy for that small bit of validation.

Until I read the comments.

Validation: The Witch Doctor or Jesus - who is more powerful? Jesus! Answering comments that have been left on the blog & standing up for Jesus || rebekahmhallberg.com

My first inclination was to kind of laugh - the comments seemed a little ridiculous to me. But that’s because I don’t hold the same beliefs. I realized these comments, while maybe spam, did serve as a great reminder that others believe differently - that others do believe that the witch doctor is the all-powerful being.

And so I did not approve those comments because they contained a link to some website that I did not, and do not intend to send you to.

BUT…

I want to address those comments, to validate them, because I would be missing a HUGE opportunity if I did not.

Let me start this next section by saying this post, specifically, will be well-prayed over before it is published because I realize that what I am writing will stand right up against the devil.
However, if I’m getting some comments that point this way, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to stand up for what I believe in, and to share that with you as well.

If you search online, you can find countless stories of how the witch doctors are called upon, in various parts of the world, when a situation is grim. Most stories tell of money changing hands - “paying for your miracle”. It makes sense that we would need to “buy” our help. After all, we purchase things we need - we buy our food, we buy our mode of transportation (or we pay someone to take us), we buy our clothing. We pay for things we need, so it is not so far-fetched to believe that we would pay someone to heal us.

However, if you do a search for “stories of witch doctors or Jesus,” or something similar to that, you will find many stories when people paid the witch doctor, but the witch doctor could do nothing for them. Those same stories will often include recommendations by the witch doctor, to go see “the white man’s God” once the witch doctors realize that they cannot help.

{Here is an example of one such story: Jesus is Cheaper Than the Witch Doctor -click to visit the post.}

Why would the witch doctor, that all-powerful being, suggest seeing “the Christian’s God”?
That answer can be found in James 2:19 -

You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!

The witch doctor is full of demonic power. He can do nothing on his own - he is simply human, as we are. His power, though, comes from the spiritual world, but his influence is from the demonic realm, not the heavenly ream. You see, we can see the physical world - the sky, the trees, the people around us - with our physical eyes. But that isn’t the only ‘world’ that we live in.

Ephesians 6:12 tells us -

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world
and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

And so while we are living in the day-to-day of jobs, kids, friends, family, church, social life, that’s not all that is going on. Many of us know that. And so do the witch doctors.

It’s no surprise to the witch doctors when things don’t turn out well. They realize, as the verse above shows, that other forces are at work. The battle for our hearts and our souls is a spiritual battle. When the witch doctor realizes he is beaten, what does he do? Acknowledges the only true help.

Many times, witch doctors can work their “charms” for the desired outcome. However, at what price? Many of the stories we read about people visiting witch doctors talk about the high price, monetarily, that must be paid.

But then the witch doctors eventually point someone to Jesus, and what do those people find?

That Jesus doesn’t charge us before He helps us. Not a penny. He doesn’t ask for our last dime. He doesn’t require us to be ritualistically made clean.

What does He ask?

Faith.

He asks that we have faith that He is who He says He is, and that He will do as He says He will.

Faith.

He doesn’t want your money. He doesn’t require you to be perfect before He will help you.

He simply asks that you have faith.

In Mark 5:21-43, Jesus is called on to heal Jairus’ daughter. He begins to walk to Jairus’ house when some of the servants come to say that his daughter has already died.

Jesus does not take money from Jairus, he does not enter into any kind of contract with Jairus before committing to see the girl. Instead, his reply is found in verses 35 and 36:

35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader.
“Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”
36 Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

What did Jesus ask of Jairus?

Faith.

It is not money that will buy a miracle. It is not a spell that will mend broken hearts or lives. It is not any tangible possession that we can give, that will fix our problems.

It is simply faith.

Faith in “the white man’s God” - faith in a being more powerful than the witch doctor. Faith in the One and only God, who created the world we see with our eyes, and who prepares a place for us in heaven - the world our souls were made for.

I welcome your comments - even when I do not believe the same way you do. I won’t publish comments with questionable links (such as those which contain a link to a site to talk with a witch doctor or other ‘guru’), but I will gladly converse with you about your beliefs, and I will publish comments which do not contain questionable links. This is a place where I hope you will continue to come and openly discuss your opinions and beliefs.

This space will continue to be a place that brings honor to Jesus, and that is why I’m choosing to respond to the comments that I’ve received - to give validation to the name of Jesus. These comments were a wake up call to me that I want to continue to share with you that Jesus is strong and powerful and that the forces of this world CANNOT stand against Him.

Remember - all He requires is faith!

If you are here today and need to know more about Jesus, I hope you’ll read through previous posts on the blog. I am grateful to have the opportunity to share my love for Jesus with all of you, and to know that God is doing His amazing work to get this message to the ends of the world.

If you are interested in learning a little more about spiritual warfare, don’t miss this video from my dear friend, Vonetta. You can find her on Twitter at @VonettaCarter and on YouTube as well.

 

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