For our guy, the process of understanding the steps to accomplish something is very tough. He struggles with seeing the big picture and then breaking it down into the necessary steps

To give you an example of what this means, I’ll use the illustration of when you tell a child to get ready for bed. You probably say something like, “Ok, it’s time to get ready for bed,” and your child will (happily or otherwise) get pajamas on, brush teeth, go to the bathroom, and climb into bed. You may have more things in your bedtime routine, but the general idea is that the child will go and carry out the necessary steps to “get ready for bed”.

Our guy doesn’t function like that. He hears “Time bed” and will head upstairs. That’s often where it ends. If we’re lucky, he’ll go to the bathroom or brush his teeth, without us telling him. But that’s very infrequent. This doesn’t mean he’s totally clueless on the daily tasks, but rather that we have to approach SO much of what we do (and how we make our routines) in a different way.

Our routines are very structured and set in stone - the ones that truly matter. These routines are always done in the same way, in the same order, even so much as using the same tone of voice. There are frequent reminders as we approach the time for a required task. You can imagine, this takes a lot of planning and preparation on our part to give the 1-hour, 30-minute, 15-minute, 10-minute, 7-minute, 5-minute and 2-minute countdowns. And these countdowns happen for many things - school, therapy, clean up time, bedtime, among others.

In an attempt to make our own lives a little easier, we’ll often lay out the clothes for church on Saturday night. We don’t always do this - a lot of it depends on whether or not I have to leave early to get to practice with the worship team. If I do have to leave early, then the clothes are all downstairs for the 2 younger kids, (our older son does great getting his own clothes) and everything is ready for them all to eat breakfast, get dressed, and head to church. If I don’t have to leave early, I don’t worry as much about having the clothes out and ready as I’m here to help with all that on Sunday morning. Saturday nights are the only nights we lay out clothes for the next day. Sometimes he’ll go to bed in the clothes he wants to wear the next day, but we don’t lay out clothes for any other day.

Last night Picasso came downstairs. He was wearing the clothes he’d had on (well, probably the second or third outfit of the day), plus a hat, a bag, something in his hand, and a pair of pants in the other. I figured that the pants were part of whatever he was playing, so I didn’t pay much attention. I was sitting on the couch looking through some things when he plopped the pants down on the footstool.

I looked up, intrigued. They were the nice pants that he had worn for Easter.

“Here’s my pants for tomorrow.”

Silence. Willing the words to come into my head. We hadn’t discussed that tomorrow was church day. We *had* talked about how it was Saturday, several times. Daddy stays home from work. We get to do some fun things. But no preparation for Sunday because I knew I’d be home in the morning.

Yet here it was, Saturday evening, and he had pants for church.

“Thanks, Pal, great job!” But really - WOW! He’s internalized a non-structured activity. He thought and planned ahead. All on his own. The moment was noted forever, in my mind and heart.

But there was more.

“Should I wear a short-sleeved white shirt (while motioning to the spot where the sleeves hit on his arm) or the long sleeved nice blue shirt?”

Utter. Disbelief.

Usually I have to say no to the first few shirts he picks because he often picks shirts for opposite seasons (due to his sensory issues), or he’ll choose a shirt that he cut a hole in, or he picks a shirt that is older that doesn’t look quite as nice. So the fact that he was coming with some ideas of decent shirts was fantastic!

“Um, either of those shirts would be just fine - or any (he begins to walk away; pretty sure I should stop talking, but I can’t because I’m in awe) nice-looking shirt…with a collar. Any nice-looking shirt.” He glances at me as he turns to head up the stairs. He replies - “K!”

I didn’t even know how to answer. I was so proud of this HUGE accomplishment that I probably would have said yes to a shirt with a hole (with a fleece on top) or any other shirt he brought down.

I can almost hear you - “You’d let your kid go to *church* in a shirt with a hole? Or a shirt for the opposite weather?” Yes. In fact, he went to church in his pajamas one time - his oldest sweats. See that’s the great thing about our church - no judgment about what you wear to church. They understand - or are beginning to understand - our guy’s needs. This helps a lot with a kid who has sensory issues. We don’t have to fight to get him to dress “appropriately”. Yes, I’d love if he would look great each time he went to church. But the reality is that it’s hard to get him INTO clothes some days, when the sweats and pajamas are what feel best. So the fact that he planned today’s outfit, completely on his own - yup, he could have worn anything he wanted to wear. (I’m really glad he wanted to wear something nice!)

And so he picked the long-sleeved blue shirt. And he dressed himself this morning, and did not tuck in his dress shirt. And he did complain about how the pants felt around his waist, so I suggested we loosen the tabs inside to make them feel better. Maybe someday he won’t complain about the tabs, but will ask for help instead. But when something like the feel of the tabs used to cause a violent meltdown, I’ll take the complaint ANY day, because he’s using words.

We’re not “there” yet - but really, who knows where “There” is? What matters is that HE figured out part of the journey, completely on his own. And when you can succeed ON the journey, you’ll get “there”! No doubt about it!