dealing with feelings Archives - Journeying Outside My Box

When Grace Rains Down

February 1, 2025 By Rebekah 0

Last week I shared “When Grace Rains” and talked about how the storms of life can soak us through. We sometimes beg God to move us, to bring us to safety and warmth. But he does not always do that. Sometimes he lets us stay in the storm, knowing that He will guard and protect us and bring us to safety.

But what about the times that grace rains like the long-awaited storm in a drought? What about the times that grace rains like a warm summer shower, like the rains my children like to go out and splash and play in? I’m finding that sometimes grace rains, but other times - precious, sacred, and holy times - grace rains down!

Sometimes God opens a door and makes a way for us after what seems like a spiritual drought. Our souls may feel dry and desolate, but with the door that God opens, the refreshing rains pour down on us.

Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;
make melody to our God on the lyre!
He covers the heavens with clouds;
he prepares rain for the earth;
he makes grass grow on the hills. -Psalm 147:7,8

Oh, friend - I am standing in that downpour of refreshing, life-giving rain today!

No, my life is not perfect. No, I sure don’t have it all together.

But God has a plan for my life. I don’t know what it all is, but I do know His faithfulness, made new in my life.

The road I’ve walked, to get here today, is a personal journey that God had for someone dear to me, and so I was able to learn something because I am on a journey with that person. I am still learning so much as a result of all this; it’s safe to say that my life will never be the same.

That could be a negative - my life will never be the same. I could absolutely look at the circumstances and make that a negative statement. “My life will never be the same!”

Or, I could look again, with eyes focused on Jesus, seeing Him at every turn in the road, and humbly proclaim, “My life - this one, amazing life - will never be the same!”

The thing is, we can have that every day. Each morning that God wakes us up is an opportunity to stand up, open our hearts to God, and thank Him that because of His gift of salvation, our lives will never be the same!

Sometimes grace rains, and God uses it for our growth. Other times, though, grace rains down and we have the opportunity to soak in the goodness of God’s love.

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Filed Under: authenticity, dealing with feelings, having faith in God

Top Ten - A Year in Review {Part 2}

December 27, 2024 By Rebekah 0

This is the 2nd in the series of the Top Ten posts for this year. I’m enjoying reading through these again, and I pray they are a blessing to you as well!

If you missed Part 1, you can read it by clicking here.

These posts give you just a snippet from the original post. To read the whole post, please click where it says “Continue Reading” at the end of each snippet.

Number 8 - 5 Things to Know About the Mother of a Child with Autism, Part 1

This is the first in a series of 5 posts dealing with understanding a mother of a child with autism. The series is originally authored by Amy Fenton Lee, is being used with permission, and can be found at the blog for The Inclusive Church. As April is Autism Awareness month, I’ll be posting this series each Monday in April. I wrote these posts 2 years ago, and will update as needed.

As the mother of a special needs child, I am often searching for information, answers, direction. I recently came across a blog by Amy Fenton Lee, who writes for The Inclusive Church, a site with many tips for churches and parents with special needs children. Amy’s blog provides a lot of affirmation for thoughts that I seem to constantly have, and for feelings that Tim & I are dealing with on a daily basis. You can read Amy’s blog here. Continue Reading…

Number 7 - I Thought I Knew Brokenness

A few weeks ago I wrote Beauty in Brokenness. Two days later, my world, as I knew it, was falling apart in front of my eyes. I had no idea, as I was writing that post, of just how much I would need those words for myself. So much of what I write is for all of you, as I share my life stories and experiences and any bits of wisdom that I might have. I thought I knew brokenness, but I’m really just learning. Continue Reading…

Number 6 - 5 Things to Know About the Mother of a Child with Autism, Part 2

I’m excited to share Part 2 from Amy Fenton Lee’s blog series on “5 Things to Know about the Mother of a Child Diagnosed with Autism”. Again, this focuses on understanding the mother of a child with autism, but applies well to both parents. This is an excerpt from her well-researched and carefully prepared series. Please click here to read her entire post. I’m running this series each Monday this month, for Autism Awareness month. If you missed Part 1, you can find the link at the bottom of this post.

“Part 2: She may experience the conflicting emotions of grief and hope.

While grief is natural part of any special needs parent’s journey, it is experienced and processed differently for the family affected by autism. However, the range of possible outcomes varies even more dramatically for the autism diagnosis compared to other disorders and disabilities.

So, should a mother grieve the life she envisioned for her child? Or should she buckle herself in for a bumpy ride…remaining hopeful and doing everything humanly possible to help her child reach their full potential? Sadly, the pressure is great to keep silent and process her emotions alone. In fear of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for her child’s future, a mother may remain tight lipped, avoiding conversations revealing her daily realities…. Continue Reading…

Tomorrow we’ll continue looking through the top ten posts. I must say, these have been some of my favorite to write, and I’m glad to see that they got a good number of views.

Blessings - and I’ll see you again tomorrow!

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Filed Under: autism spectrum diagnosis, dealing with feelings, having faith in God

The Prodigal Son’s Brother

December 6, 2024 By Rebekah 6

The story of the prodigal son, found in Luke 15:11-32, is probably pretty familiar to most of us. The younger son decides he wants his share of the inheritance. He heads out into the world and soon squanders it all. A famine hits the country and the son has to take a job feeding the pigs. Finding himself to be so hungry that he is willing to eat the food he is feeding to the pigs, he considers his own father’s servants, and how well they are cared for, and decides to return home to his father. He is warmly greeted, celebrated, and loved! What a wonderful picture of God’s love for us - while still in our sin and worldly-ugliness, He runs to us, forgives us, and the angels rejoice that another sinner has come Home!

But what about the brother of the prodigal son?
He never strayed; he didn’t run out and squander his inheritance.
He didn’t leave his father’s side.
He wasn’t celebrated, but watched the celebration for his brother.

All that we are told about the older son is that he stays - he remains with his father. He questions the celebration for the wayward younger brother, and becomes angry when the details are shared with him.

When his father comes to him, his reply seems so appropriate - so raw - so reflective of his frustration:

‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ Luke 15:29,30

How do you feel about “death-bed conversions”? People who have had their whole life, who have heard of Jesus, who have ignored Him, and then choose Him in the last moments. Their lives may have been ugly, filthy, seemingly worthless - and maybe they have even gone against every social, moral, ethical and scriptural rule in their treatment of people. Yet, for some reason, they decide to accept Christ in their final moments.

I am thrilled for them! Our lives - yours, mine - we’re just one mistake, one poor choice, one unguarded act - away from the same kind of life that these others have had. Wouldn’t we still want the hope - the Hope - of salvation if we were the one facing our final moments?

Now, the prodigal son may not have been in his final moments on earth, but he was pretty close to being without any hope. His money was gone, there was a famine, his access to food must have been severely limited if he was considering a meal of pig slop.

He was almost without hope.

And then he made the right choice - after so many wrong choices. He realized that what he thought was hope turned out to be hopeless. He realized that when he had put hope in his own abilities, it turned out to prove hopeless.

And then he realized the true Hope - his father, his salvation, his source of life. His capital-H hope. And so he did the only thing he could - he went home to Hope. And what happened next?

Hope came running.

So he got up and went to his father.
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20

And he was saved. And safe. And full of hope - and Hope.

The older brother - the one also hurt by the younger brother’s decisions - he is filled with anger. Here stands his brother, who has made wrong choice after wrong choice, who has hurt the family, probably ruined reputations, squandered wealth and riches.

…and that younger brother is welcomed home…
to hope.
And to Hope.

I have been a Christian pretty much all my life. I grew up in a Christian home, I was taught about Jesus from the time I can remember. I chose Jesus very early on, and really didn’t waiver. That is my testimony - that I found God early, and really never let go of Him. By some standards, it’s a rather boring testimony. I don’t have story of miraculous rescue from addiction or struggle; I didn’t make horrid choices. I stayed with Jesus.

But really - that’s a beautiful testimony, isn’t it? God is faithful - God has remained faithful! And I have been saved, safe, and protected from so much that others have had to struggle with.

What about those in our lives - yours and mine - who have squandered their Father-given gifts? I am so quick to extend grace - and Grace - to those who I don’t know; to those whose issues or worldly-wrongs haven’t directly affected me. Do you find the same to be true?

Why can we extend grace to those we don’t know, yet we struggle to extend grace to those we do know? Why did the prodigal’s brother have such a hard time forgiving his own sibling, but may have forgiven a stranger much more quickly?

Maybe because pain is very real. Maybe because for as much as we would like to view ourselves as Christ-like, the reality is that we’re still human. We aren’t actually Christ. We can only ever be Christ-like.

When we are hurt, angered, betrayed, it’s human nature to put up walls, to defend our name, our honor, our own life. We want revenge, or justice, retribution, vindication. We wonder why, when we stay on the straight and narrow, bad things happen to us. But isn’t that the way of this cold, cruel world?

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Jesus lays it out for us - we will have trouble in this world. At the same time, isn’t that the key, dear friends? We will have trouble in this world.

“For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come.” Hebrews 13:14

This world is not our home. We were not created for this world. We were created to live in this world for just a little while, and then to have eternity with Jesus! And so we will have trouble here - because this isn’t our home. This world is just our journey to our Home.

And so for me, and for you, we will suffer; we will endure heartache and hardship. It’s meant to point us to Jesus - to help us keep our eyes on Hope and Home.

And our Father, who created us, knows our hearts. We can express all of our feelings to Him. We can tell Him, as the older brother did, just how angry we are at the seeming injustice. We can point out how we haven’t strayed, we haven’t been a black mark against the family, we haven’t disgraced our father, or our Father.

And I love the answer that the father gives to the prodigal son’s older, more faithful, brother:

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Those of us who have the testimonies of staying near to God, as the older son stayed near to his father, we have access to God - we always have. We have all we need in Him - we always have. We have all of who He is, working on our behalf - we always have. We have all of the things that God can provide, and all He can do for us - we always have.

Isn’t it just like Jesus to tell such a story of hurt, betrayal, anger, frustration, faithlessness and faithfulness, and then to end with the only thing that’s truly important?

At the end of it all, isn’t salvation the only thing that’s truly important?
Isn’t that the only thing that’s truly of worth in this life?

When you are hurting, and when I am hurting, whether it’s pain from a loved one, or from someone who doesn’t even know us, let’s remember the end of the story - this story in Luke, and this story in life. Let’s remember that while our lives may look like that of the prodigal son’s brother, we are one step, one action, one unkind choice, away from being the prodigal ourselves.

Dear friend, and to my own dear heart,
if you or I were the prodigal,
wouldn’t we LONG for the Father to see us a far way down the road
and come running to receive us Home again?

Friends, truly that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

Salvation.

We can be saved, from pain, from fear, from hurt, from death.

The end of the story is life.

Life.

Who can we take with us? How many other broken hearts can we gather and take Home to the Father? The Father is waiting - whether we have remained steadfast, or whether we have taken every path except the right path.

Luke 15 is made up of 3 parables, each one talking about loss of something precious. In each parable, Jesus describes the rejoicing over the salvation (the finding of) the lost item. Those who don’t stray, those who remain faithful - their reward is in heaven. The angels have already rejoiced over their choice of salvation. They were lost and then they were found. Just like the prodigal.

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:7

If I was lost, or if you were lost - no, when we were lost - heaven rejoiced over our salvation! Remember, trouble is ours in this world - anger, frustration, pain, hurt. But this world is not our home. Our home is with our Father, whether we are the steadfast brother, or the prodigal brother.

Our Home is with our Father.
And He saw us a long way, far off down the road,
and gathered us up when we came running to Him.
And He will do the same for all of us,
prodigal or steadfast.

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I Thought I Knew Brokenness

October 18, 2024 By Rebekah 10

This post isn’t going to answer your questions about my brokenness - I’m not there yet. (Please *do* know, though, that we are all healthy, and this is just a personal issue that I am struggling through right now, and in the end, all will be well - because God is here!)

What I am hoping to do here is express a little more of my heart.

In Beauty in Brokenness I shared about how we are broken - but wanted by God; imperfect - yet chosen; we’re claimed, tended and so we flourish.

This has been so evident in my life the past two weeks. I’ve been through every emotion that I could imagine.

I have been in a pit, one that I didn’t put myself into, and one I never wanted to be in. I have wondered where God was and how this could possibly happen to me, even though I realized that the problem was not mine and I owned no part of the problem. Still, how could God let this happen to me?

But - this situation is not about me. It is about someone I love, and God. It touches my life because I love this person, but it is not a punishment for anything I have done, and it’s not a reflection of who I am.

And when I realized that, I found God.

Everywhere.

“…because God has said,
‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
-Hebrews 13:5

From the immediate help of the only ones who could truly help me, to the kindness and support of friends who did not understand but came when called. God was there.

God was in the building I had never visited before, with a person I never intended to have to speak with in my entire life, who paid a debt he did not owe, as a symbol of kindness to my family.

God was in a parking lot at a location I’d never been before. Not only was He there, but He was there in the form of a couple who had been together forever. I watched as the husband lovingly took care of the wife - his Veronica. She had some physical and mental issues, but there he was, years later, loving his Veronica. I can’t tell you how much God was in that meeting.

God was in the park where we had dinner with a friend who offered some much-needed support. God was even there late at night, when I could not sleep, and needed a couple of friends.

I was in the pit. I was reaching for hope as I sank farther into the pit. So alone. Desperate to wake up from the nightmare, yet realizing that wouldn’t happen. Careful to protect my children, willing them to unsee what their eyes and hearts had to see. Gasping for breath when the world fell down around me, searching for any part of my heart that was not crushed. Vehemently stuffing every emotion I felt, in order to make it through a day. Begging for sleep to come, though my heart and mind would not stop. Desperate. Sinking. Broken. Ferociously grasping for any hope. Alone.

And yet, not at all alone.

And as I hit the bottom - the place I never planned to be - do you know what I found?

Hope. Not hope, but Hope. Capital H, Hope. Because hitting the bottom means that I landed in the arms of Hope.

And Hope gathers all the pieces of brokenness, carefully cleans them off, lovingly looks at each individual piece, and gently crafts the pieces back together. It’s not the same. What’s been broken can never be put back together without evidence of the damage.

It can’t be the same. I won’t be the same, not ever again.

But by the grace that Jesus brings, the broken can be better.

As God takes my heart, my life, and picks up the pieces that have broken, He is carefully cleaning each jagged and broken piece. He is smoothing the rough edges, He is pouring His love into my life as the glue that will hold each piece together. He is holding me, piece by piece, as I wait on Him to make me whole.

And that’s what God does - and that’s what He promises to do.

I thought I knew brokenness.

I found more of Jesus!

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Filed Under: authenticity, dealing with feelings, finding peace, having faith in God

The Goodness of One Simple Moment

September 24, 2024 By Rebekah 6

Many good things have happened in our home lately - many! I’m taking note of all the blessings. But last week? My heart. My heart has overflowed with the goodness of one simple moment.

I don’t write about the special needs aspect of our lives quite as much anymore, - at least, not the day-to-day of it, but there are some times when things need shared, and accomplishments need celebrated, and life needs to be valued.

When I was pregnant with Picasso, tests came back abnormal and there were all sorts of health issues, and we were given a choice.

THE choice.

To us, it was not a choice. Keeping the baby, despite the uncertainty of what may happen, was our decision, no matter what.

The first 5 years of his life really challenged our convictions in the “no matter what” of love.

I am a special education teacher by trade. My gut told me something was wrong, but I could not get a doctor to listen, to share my concerns, or to believe me, and so our choice to love, no matter what, was a struggle we ventured through on our own when we really should have had more help.

After a time, I crossed paths with another mom in the same situation and God used her in mighty ways to get to a point in my heart, and a therapy center, where I could begin to get help for my son.

When we started there 3.5 years ago, his reciprocal language scores were low. So very low. Maybe they never even fully developed. He didn’t know to look at people, he did not read facial expressions, he took no cues from others. He did not understand conversation, and he didn’t look at people talking to him, so he had no possible way of learning (or understanding) emotions.

His emotional development was also very far behind where it should be.

A lot of his therapy has centered around verbal and non-verbal cues, prompting to help him learn to LOOK at people when he’s interacting with them - to notice their facial expressions. From there he was supposed to try to recognize their facial expressions and then verbalize his recognition of facial expressions and other verbal or non-verbal cues. For example, did they look happy? sad? angry?

Last week, our daughter was doing an art project that was an extension of a lesson she had about Henri Matisse. She colored shapes, cut them out and glued them onto paper to make a beautiful scene. She then asked me where Matisse was buried. She said she wanted to take her picture to lay at his stone (that was her word for grave). Matisse would have been honored to receive that work!

My son was cutting shapes, too. As we often affectionately refer to him as Picasso because of his love for art, I was not surprised to find him joining in her project.

And then, there it was. Even now, my eyes fill with tears. My heart is full, so full.

I could not capture his words quickly enough, and typed through my tears. Later he permitted me to take some pictures, as he again described some of the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard from him.

You needed the background of what he has struggled with, as shared above, to understand and appreciate what happened. And while I don’t expect that you will have the same tear-filled, joy-overflowing response that I did, please “get” this. Please understand JUST how big this is:

He said, while manipulating shapes, “You can just FEEL his emotions, can’t you?!”

He once knew no emotions. He once recognized nothing pertaining to emotions.

And now he FEELS them?!?! That’s understanding on a whole other level!!!

He went on to manipulate pieces of paper, shapes he had cut out, into these forms, and labeled each picture - some as a type of person, some as an emotion.

Please, tell me you understand? It’s taken 3.5 years of therapy, and 9 years of his life, to know an emotion, understand an emotion. And now that he can create the emotion, it means he has internalized the meaning, the understanding of it, and knows the “why” behind the emotion.

I couldn’t capture the information quickly enough and then get it sent to the therapists. They all got back to me quickly and expressed their utter amazement! Then, at one of his sessions last week, apparently he made more faces, different faces.

He made sequencing plans with another therapist in order to have some “cooking homework”. He still struggles with small things like, “Put your pajamas on, brush your teeth and go to bed.” But now he’s starting to follow multi-step cooking directions, feeling more confident in his own abilities within life.

My heart. The joy we might have missed with this one, or any of our kids, if our decision-making had been any different.

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Filed Under: autism spectrum diagnosis, dealing with feelings, everyday success, gratitude and appreciation, real life, self-expression

Be Still and Know

September 9, 2024 By Rebekah 8

Let’s just start this get-together by making sure we both have some coffee, or tea, or whatever your warm beverage of choice may be. Life has been a little bumpy here lately, and it’ll be better to sit and chat over our favorite drinks. Here, in this space, there is only grace.

Be still and know that I am God

Life doesn’t always go how we plan, does it? The past few weeks have been nothing short of “spectacular” in the amount of things that have gone a little awry. It’s been a long month of learning patience, because I started praying for that again, rather than pursuing perseverance. There’s something so heart-warming about the verse in Psalm 46:10 -

“Be still and know that I am God….”

Since returning from our vacation in mid-August, I was thrown into 10 meetings the following week. Some of these were orientations for school, but not all. The most amazing part of it all is that I’m not even a paid employee, just a volunteer. I love the school we use, though, and it’s been a perfect fit for our family, so I’m happy to be able to have an opportunity to learn and be able to give back!

Our first week of school was rough - some technology issues, some back-to-school protests (not just by the children…!), and the beginning of attempting to internalize our new schedule.

Be still…

Our second week of school was better, and worse. Better, because we added in all our extras - therapy, piano, some class time with a teacher. Worse, though, because we lost a beloved teacher. Apparently she quit on the first Friday of school, and no further information was given.

On our first day back to therapy, both therapists reported some conversations about God, or about church - makes a mama’s heart proud to know that whatever struggles we’re facing with our son, Jesus is getting through to his heart! We have a long road ahead of us, in terms of things that will happen this year, but I know it will be a great opportunity to gauge how much he’s learning and growing.

and know…

Our daughter had her first sleepover, here at our house, over the weekend. What fun! She’s really needed some good friends, as life with two brothers can get a little messy at times. The giggling and laughter of little girls was so much fun to listen to! I love that she has this friend, and a couple other good friends at our small group!

And here we are, into week 3 of school. We’ve had a Music class for our 9th grader that would not work, no matter what anyone tried. As of this week, it’s officially working! The staff worked together to find what wasn’t working correctly, and worked to get it fixed! And this week, I’m finding that I’m going to have to tweak our schedule a bit, in order to fit in everyone’s piano practice, schoolwork, church activities, and our family times. I’m sure I’ll miss a meeting, or forget to do something on my list.

But do you know what I’ve found, friends? I’ve found grace and peace in learning patience. Before, these issues would have combined to set me into some eye-twitching, panic-mode stress. Now, though, I’m realizing these things are all out of my control, and so there’s no point in spending time, energy and stress on them. Rather, these things are helping me focus on Jesus, on resting in Him.

that I am God….

And do you know? Jesus offers only grace.

If you’re needing grace today, you’re at the right place. There’s nothing here but grace. This side of the computer screen is just as imperfect as your side - but friend, don’t you know? It’s perfectly imperfect! And that’s what you’ll find here - not perfection, but rather a whole heap of genuine!

Going ahead, I’m hoping for smoother days, but I’m also grateful that God is in control; we have only to be still!

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Filed Under: daily blessings, dealing with feelings, finding peace, having faith in God, Uncategorized

Our Stories Are Not Just For Us

July 24, 2024 By Rebekah 4

Life stories - we all have a variety of them. Some are good, and we love to share those stories. There are other stories, though, that we probably wish we never had to contend with. I think that maybe we forget that our stories are not just for us, they are not solely ours. We are not the author of our stories, of our lives.

If God created us, each of us, for this particular time in history, then I believe there is a reason why we, you and I, are here on Earth together. I believe our stories can impact each other’s lives in ways we could not imagine. Have you ever sat through a meeting or a sermon and wondered, “How does that person know exactly what I needed to hear?” And that is exactly where God is allowing someone else’s story or testimony to intersect with ours. That is the point where God is using someone else to meet us right where we are.

We’re happy to share our good stories - the ones that bring us joy or contentment. We’re happy to share how God is providing and all He is doing in our lives.

But what about the tough stuff? What about some of those gut-wrenching experiences in life? Why does God allow those, and why, WHY, would we ever share those? They are steeped in sorrow, darkness and discontent. Who wants to hear about that? Who wants to know the tough stuff?

I have had these exact conversations with various friends over the past few months. The past 12 months have been full of ups and downs for our family. Times have been ugly when I would have preferred beautiful, rainy when I wanted sunshine. I shared about many of our biggest struggles here. They are full of ugly memories, frustration, and wondering where God was.

We shared that story, though, and we watched as God provided - in ways we never imagined, to provide for our needs. Sometimes it was through people, other times it was through some strange situations, like a car accident, which ended up providing for us financially. It really doesn’t make much sense, outside of trusting God.

I’ve also shared about our experience with miscarriage, and how God redeemed that experience, for me. I’ll tell you, that was one experience that I would never have wanted to have. I wonder what was so wrong that God wouldn’t save that baby’s life. Sharing that story, though, has given me opportunity to stand with others when they face similar circumstances. Because I have that story, I’m able to identify with families who are hurting. I have been able to send my experience to several moms who have asked, out loud, “Has anyone else experienced this?”

If we can trust that God is the author of the particular stories we have in life, it can make us a little more brave in quietly whispering, “I am hurting,” or, “My life is a mess right now,” or, “I don’t know why God has this as a part of my story.”

But that, right there - did you see that? THAT is the truth, the part to cling to:

God has this as a part of my story.

When we can trust God for our story, we can trust that God will use our story. We don’t know how He will use it, and we don’t know for whom He may use it. But that isn’t for us to know - that is for God, who has put us here right now, to know and to decide.

We can try and manage our own stories, and our own lives, or we can trust God to do that. And if we believe that God created us, the world around us, and chose to put us here now, can’t we trust that He has a plan for all that we encounter?

Let’s be real for a minute - we can’t always trust. It’s hard to trust. I know that. Believe me, I know.

Can I offer you the same hope that saw us through some of these toughest struggles? It’s powerful - it’s the name of Jesus. When life is hard, or even overwhelming, try saying the name of Jesus, even out loud, and see if your heart isn’t filled with peace! Say it over and over, until your heart is listening and believing that His name can calm your storm.

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
-Hebrews 13:5

Because His name can calm your storm, can you also trust that His name will author your story with great care? Remember, He will be with you, every step of the way. He is writing our stories with purpose, and on purpose, to use us to minister to others. It’s no accident what you go through, but you don’t go alone.

Our stories are not just for us. God wants to use them in a mighty way. Be encouraged - and remember the overwhelming peace that comes with the name of Jesus!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

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Filed Under: authenticity, dealing with feelings, finding peace, having faith in God

Keep Going

July 18, 2024 By Rebekah 0

All 3 of our children take piano lessons and the music in our home is often lovely! It’s a blessing to hear a wonderful combination of sacred, classical, and popular music filling the air. They all work hard, and while the practicing definitely takes some time and effort, the return on the investment comes in the form of beautiful music and the makings of a lifelong talent. There are the occasions when all three of them are learning new music at the same time. The music is not so lovely at that time, as they plunk their way through new tunes. It sounds a lot less melodic, and I’m tempted to wonder what we were thinking by signing them up for lessons. But we keep going.

The temptation to quit at something is always lingering just around the corner, for any of us. Maybe we get frustrated in our jobs and think that a new work environment would be easier. Maybe we’re frustrated at church and wish we could move on to another church where we can just attend and not have anything to do with ministry or leadership positions.

For many of these things, quitting is the easy way out - a different job might be beneficial for so many reasons. A new church might have something better to offer. But sometimes we have to go through the struggles to get to the beauty on the other side.

I often wonder how many times Jesus wanted to quit during his time here. He even went to the garden to ask if there was any other way for God to provide salvation for us. We read in Matthew 26:39 -

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Ultimately Jesus pressed on - He was willing to keep going in order to provide a way for us to get to heaven. The best - our salvation - was just beyond His hardest work, death on a cross.

Sometimes the best of what we’re able to do is just beyond our desire to quit. Like the piano practicing - when the kids get a new song, it doesn’t sound pretty. It takes work to learn the music, practice and eventually perfect the song. As our kids put in their time to practice every day, they work through their own desire to give up. They learn the hard work of sticking with something and seeing the beautiful accomplishment on the other end of the hard work.

It’s the same for us - sometimes we have to push through the difficulty, work through the struggle, and persevere before we see the reward for our effort. When things get hard, don’t quit - keep going!

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Filed Under: dealing with feelings, goals

A Man Called Poppy

July 6, 2024 By Rebekah 0

Last week I wrote about sending our son to kids’ camp, and how I was a little uncertain of how it would all go, mostly because of his special needs. As we do with most new things in life, we decided to give him the opportunity to preview the campground at his own pace. We decided to take a drive to the camp, since it’s just an hour from our home, to let him see where he will be spending the week. We drove around the grounds and didn’t really see anyone, but that was okay. We enjoyed a nice lunch at a local restaurant, and then decided to drive back and look at the camp one more time on our way home, just to make sure our son seemed okay with the lay of the land. It was then that we met Poppy.

If I were to tell Poppy he had been “an angel” on this journey, he would probably find some humble way to dismiss the comment and remind us that he was just a retired man who volunteers his time as the maintenance man at the campground. And while that is true, today, he was another person who is going to help make our son’s time at the camp one of the best weeks ever!

When we arrived back at the campground after lunch, we found Poppy’s son and granddaughter, and they pointed us to Poppy for questions about the buildings and the grounds. Poppy could have just answered our questions and that would have sufficed. But as we explained our guy’s issues and needs, Poppy decided that we should have a tour of the grounds, so we loaded up on his golf cart and away we went!

He took us into the hall where they have their chapel services - it’s a large building with garage doors on all sides, so it’s literally drive-through! He rang the bell so that our guy could hear the sound and know that meant that it was time for chapel. He showed us the trailer where he and his wife live, the snack shop and office, and many of the cabins that people own. He showed us the fire pit area where the campers will roast marshmallows and hot dogs, and his own special devotional spot at a bench under the trees. He took us to the building that is usually used for the boys during camp, and to the building on the other end of the property where the girls usually stay. We went into the dining room and met some of the ladies who are cooks for the camp. It turns out that Poppy has 6 sisters, and 5 work at the camp. The kitchen staff took an interest in our kids and asked about food likes/dislikes, and explained how the mealtimes work. We also met Dennis, who was chopping wood. Poppy told us we could remember his name by calling him Dennis the Menace, and of course the kids loved to hear that!

Poppy explained that most kids do fine at camp, but some start to get homesick on the second night. He said the counselors often send the kids to sit with Poppy, and I must have said something like, “Really?” I figured they would send them to a lady, thinking that would be like a mother figure to them. Poppy said he cries easily and so when the kids are crying, they visit Poppy and he cries right along with them. No kidding!

We saw the pool and playground area, and - our son’s favorite - the field where they set up for archery classes. At a different convention earlier this year, our guy heard they have archery lessons at camp, and he’s been wanting to go ever since. Sure enough, Poppy showed us the hay bales that they set up for archery classes, so the arrows hit the hay and don’t just fly into the road or into the woods.

My one regret? I didn’t take a picture of Poppy and our guy. I hope to remedy that on Monday when we drop our guy off for camp, and then add that to this post. (UPDATED - photo is included now!)

A man called Poppy - maybe simply a retired man who offers his services as a maintenance man. For our family, though, Poppy is an angel that God sent to us to help ensure that we all feel prepared for camp this week! Thanks, Poppy - I know our guy will have a wonderful adventure at camp, and that you’ll be there, watching out for him!

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Filed Under: anxiety and autism, dealing with feelings, everyday success, having faith in God, Hope, special needs family, summer fun

Preparing to Let Them Go . . . and being okay with that

July 2, 2024 By Rebekah 2

I’m realizing more and more each day, that my children are growing up. This summer, especially, we’re realizing that all of our parenting efforts are leading to times like this - where we’re preparing to let them go. While that is a good and right goal, it hit me recently that I need to be okay with opportunities to let them go, and let them begin to spread their wings while still in the safety of our family.

let them go

I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this as a week of church camp for each of our boys has been on the calendar. Our older son went away last year, called us once or twice, and I was nervous the whole time. This year, as he prepared to go again, we had a lot of good conversations about the right things to do, the way to behave, interaction with friends and leaders, and I realized that he loves this opportunity for time away, to learn and grow. And so I’m not worrying too much that he isn’t calling home this week. I know he’s having a great time!

cornfield But then, there’s this guy - see that face? I know - I can hardly see it either. We have spent the 9 years since he was born, trying to help him in one way or another. From early feeding issues, to a then-unknown speech and language problem, to wondering if he could actually hear or not, to countless nights where he couldn’t (or sometimes, wouldn’t) sleep - we have been there.

We’ve chased him into and out of water, we’ve taken unsafe things out of his hands and put safe things into his hands. We’ve followed him up and down mountains. We’ve cleaned up Sharpie off the walls, and then went and hid all those markers. Until we gave them back and let him create masterpieces in appropriate ways. We’ve been through meltdowns and put life on hold. We’ve gone from being loved one minute, to extremely disliked in the next. We’ve tweaked all areas of life in an effort to make sure he was safe and could function within it. We’ve endured sleepless nights, sleepless days, and then pushed repeat on that cycle for days on end. We’ve visited places before appointments, in order to make sure he knew he’d be safe there. We’ve practiced what to do, when to do it, and how to be sure we could cope. We’ve gently corralled the occasional sleep-walker. We’ve arrived late, left early, changed plans at the last minute when he couldn’t cope, and endured the stress of all of that. We’ve lost friends, gained love and support from places we didn’t even know to look, and watched in awe as things finally started to come together.

In all of this, I’ve had a lot to do - chasing, corralling, feeding, not sleeping, sleeping, holding, hiding, providing, nurturing, waiting, gently pushing, searching, re-thinking, planning, preparing. Next week he goes away for 5 days and 4 nights. Without us.

All of his life - everything that we’ve done - has been in preparation to let him go.

While Tim and I were talking about it the other night, I spent a few minutes with my fears:

*What if he isn’t understood?
*I’m really sending him away to a place he’s never been?
*What if he doesn’t eat enough?
*What if he doesn’t sleep enough?
*What if he has a massive meltdown?
*What if he is wildly successful? (Yes, I even thought about that, too.)
*Will they take good enough care of him?
*Will he remember anything we’ve tried to teach him? (Be kind, use your words, brush your teeth.)

But then there was the big one - and I didn’t even realize it was in there.
While we’re preparing to let them go,
I have to be okay with it when they do go.

What am I going to do while he’s gone? For his 9 years, my daily existence has been wrapped up in keeping him safe, in making sure he’s understood and that he can cope in his surroundings.

family - smaller This also makes me incredibly thankful that our other two kids understand their brother, and his needs, so well. They are such a support to him and they understand, to some extent, the amount of time and effort required to help him make it through a day. They are his best advocates and champions! God really put together an amazing group of siblings with these three!

Maybe you wonder why I’m letting him go, if all of life has been like this? That’s a very fair question, because I’ve thought about that, too. We could just keep him home, plan other fun activities to “take the place” of camp. But here’s why we’re letting him go - and why I’m trying to be okay with that:

*Most of the way we’ve raised him has been framed with, “for when you can do this on your own someday.”
*He will only be 1 hour away from home.
*He really wants to go & a lot of his friends will be there (and no, not all of his friends know of his issues, but he is comfortable with them).
*The leaders who are going really try to know and understand who he is, how he functions, and how they can best support him.
*I talked with someone at the camp who listened to my concerns and answered in ways that let me know he will be well cared for.
*He heard there will be archery there and really wants to try it out (and for the perfectionist that he is, that could be a great option for an activity!)
*But really - because I have to start somewhere with letting him spread his wings.

from meltdown to breakthrough || rebekahmhallberg.com And so I started to gather his clothes for camp yesterday. We talked about outfits, getting his clothes back into the bag at the end of the day, how to decide what to wear on his feet, to put on a sweatshirt if he was chilly, that all his clothes and items will be labeled.

And I will pack his things later this week, and I will probably write him notes and tuck them into his Bible, and in his pillow, and inside his sneakers. And God and I will spend a lot of time together as I wait on Him through the week, because I’m preparing to let them go - and I have to be okay with it when they do go!

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Filed Under: authenticity, autism spectrum diagnosis, dealing with feelings, family focused, finding peace, having faith in God, parenting, parenting outside the box, summer fun

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Keep Going

A Man Called Poppy

Preparing to Let Them Go . . . and being okay with that

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