Family Focused | Journeying Outside My Box

Spiritual Insights in Everyday Situations

May 14, 2024 By Rebekah 1

I was sharing parenting stories with a friend recently, something I love to do. I love to hear what her kids are doing, and I love to share about what our kids are doing. My friend was telling me about something that had taken place between my daughter and her, and I was intrigued as the conversation continued. I realized there were some great spiritual lessons that I could take from the situation.

My daughter’s shoe had come untied one evening and she spotted my friend and ran over to her. My girl asked my friend to tie her shoe, and in the same moment, put her foot right up on my friend’s lap, waiting for it to be tied, but all in a very kind way. My friend said that my daughter went to her, full of expectancy, waiting for help to fix the problem she had. I was grateful that my friend was willing to help my daughter, but also that my daughter knew who to ask for help when she needed it.

My son, on the other hand, might handle shoe situations very differently. If he was wearing shoes and had some type of problem with them, he would likely take off the shoe and just toss it aside and then continue with whatever he was doing.

Both of these represent an appropriate way to deal with the situation. Let’s dig deeper, though. Not only are these appropriate ways to deal with physical situations, they are also appropriate when dealing with the sin in our lives.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. –Hebrews 4:16

When my daughter asked my friend for help, she was acting boldly. She knew my friend would help her and she acted based on the knowledge she had of my friend. It’s the same with sin – when we know about it, we can act immediately by approaching God and asking for His forgiveness, knowing that He will forgive and that we will “receive mercy and grace in our time of need.”

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,
let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. –Hebrews 12:1

My son’s actions - getting rid of a cumbersome shoe that has come untied - seem to be better described by this verse. He throws off the untied shoe that is hindering him, and he goes busily about the activity at hand. His sole focus is getting to complete the activity, and he will do everything he can, including dealing with bare feet, to participate.

Let’s briefly add untied shoelaces to this conversation. I know we’ve all seen kids who walk around with their shoes untied, oblivious to the danger that may cause. It’s like that with our sin, too. We can just keep going, not dealing with our sin, but eventually that sin is going to trip us up, just like the untied shoelaces will eventually cause us to stumble.

When we know about sin in our lives, we can deal with it in any of the ways listed here. We can do nothing, but we will eventually get caught and tangled in our sin. Or, we can stop immediately and run expectantly to Jesus and ask His forgiveness, knowing that He will help and forgive us. Or, we can choose to toss aside the sin and keep our eyes focused on what God has called us to do, praying for God’s forgiveness as we intentionally move away from the situation. The important thing, though, is that we deal with the sin in some way.

I learn a lot from watching all three of my kids and how they do life. It’s a blessing when God allows me some spiritual insights during the everyday routines of life. The actions we all take, on a daily basis, can give us some great ways to relate to the spiritual issues of life.

So, do you ask for help when your shoe comes untied, or do you take it off and keep on going?

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Filed Under: character traits, family focused, intentional choices, parenting, self-expression, Uncategorized

What Can I Offer?

April 19, 2025 By Rebekah 10

Do you ever find yourself taking a look around and thinking, “What am I doing?” In your efforts to help people, do you sometimes get sidetracked considering your own shortcomings? Do you ever get caught in the trap of thinking that you’re no better than anyone else, wondering, “What can I offer?”

That kind of thinking stinks. It’s wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

There’s nothing perfect on my side of this blog. As I sit here and prepare this post, I can tell you – there are dishes in my sink, a pile of laundry waiting to be folded, more laundry to wash, dinner is not prepared (although slightly planned!), the dogs need a bath, the lawn needs mowed. Best of all? I’m not even home to tend to all those things! I’m sitting in the waiting room at my son’s therapy center. All those things have to wait. They are certainly all a priority, but I am right where I’m supposed to be right now, and that list of things that need to be done is only a small testimony to the imperfections that make up my life. They get overwhelming and I get frustrated about them. I look at all that has to be done and think, “Why on earth am I even trying to think that I would have anything to offer anyone else?”

And spots like those – where we start to get convinced that we’re no better than anyone else and have nothing to offer them – are where the devil sits, hoping that he can sidetrack us with thoughts about our imperfection(s!).

But that is not what God asks us to do. He doesn’t ask us to sit in the muck and mire and wallow in our imperfections. He asks us to fix our eyes on Him as we go through our days, our tough moments, our lives! (Hebrews 12: 1,2). He has placed something special within each of us, meant to be shared with others.

So how can we battle the nagging reminders of all our imperfections? How can we stand up and say, “I am MORE than this?” Three small words: Stop. Pray. Rest.

STOP: Learn to recognize the thinking in our own minds – pay attention to those thoughts – and when they come, stop. Stand still and think, “This is not going to be my focus.” Sometimes we just let the thoughts continue without acknowledging them. Guess what? If we don’t actively work to get rid of them, they won’t go away. They will sit in there and we will continue to have them because we don’t have a plan to block them or send them away.

PRAY: Talk to God. He wants to hear from us – about the good and the not-so-good. Ask God to help you focus on thoughts that are of Him, not thoughts that will bog you down. Thank Him for being your refuge and fortress. Thank Him for the special gift He has placed inside of you and ask Him for opportunities to share that with others.

REST: So we’ve stopped, we’ve prayed. Now, the one that is probably the hardest: Rest. If we’re constantly on the run, doing all the things that overwhelm us and leaving us feeling imperfect in some form or fashion, how are we going to change that by doing the same things over and over? What if you and I took just 15 minutes and put our feet up and had a short rest to bask in the peace that God wants us to have? How might that change our outlook? I know – you don’t have time. I hear you. Neither do I, which is also a lie from the devil. We have time. We take care of so many other things, and other people, but we neglect ourselves. That HAS to change.

Let’s consider for a moment – what gives us worth and value? Is it the fact that our dishes get clean and our kitchen is spotless? Are we of more worth because we make it through that mountain of laundry and get the dogs bathed? OR…does our worth and value come from Jesus? Yes, I would love to have an empty sink because all the dishes are clean, and I would love to have the dogs bathed the moment they need it, and I’d love to finally make it through that pile of laundry. But if I’m so focused on my to-do list, am I leaving any room for what God’s plan is?

I have had some times where I am convinced I talked to someone due to a divine appointment that God set up. Maybe that person had an encouraging word for me, or maybe I was able to help them. If my value came from clean dishes, meals prepared ahead of time, a perfectly mowed yard, I may have missed out on a lot of great conversations and blessings with others. But if my value and worth comes from God, I look at each opportunity as a way to minister in His name. I do have something to offer - you also have something to offer. It is that something special that God has put into each of us. And He wants us to share that with others!

Let me encourage you – the dishes won’t wash themselves, they will wait for you. The laundry won’t grow legs and walk away from you – it will wait. Remember that your worth and value comes from God – be open and listening for what He has for you. Stop, Pray, and Rest when the doubts and imperfections start to pile up and ask God to fill you with reminders of who you are in His eyes. Ask Him to give you opportunities to share the many things that you have to offer. And He will. He WILL!

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Filed Under: daily blessings, family focused, finding peace, having faith in God

Minivan Theology

April 17, 2025 By Rebekah 4

You’ve heard the saying, “Bloom where you’re planted.” I feel like I have tried to do that in life, at least to some extent. I’ve had times when there have been bigger dreams that I wanted to pursue, but ultimately realized that I was right where I needed to be. About 3 years ago, we needed to start taking our son to therapy and the center we chose, that we felt would understand his needs the best, was almost an hour away. The “bloom where you’re planted” theory really came into play, as my son began to ask all sorts of questions about God, heaven, spiritual concerns – all starting when he was almost 6 years old. Out of that was born Minivan Theology – the concept that some of our best spiritual and theological discussions have happened in the van, on the way to or from therapy.

I want to insert a small comment here that I do not want this post to turn into a theological debate. I realize we all come from many different backgrounds and I don’t mean to offend or stir up any controversy with this post. My goal is to show you that every moment matters and that God will make the most of even the small details in our everyday lives. The examples that I’m going to use are some of the ones I remember best.

During his first year of therapy, he had sessions later in the afternoon on Wednesdays. One afternoon we were headed straight to church after his session. Out of the blue, he asked about going to heaven:
So, in order for someone to go to heaven, they have to have Jesus in their heart, right?
Yes.
So they do that by praying and asking Jesus to come into their heart, right?
Yes.
So, does God have to have Jesus in HIS heart to be able to stay in heaven?
(cricket sounds…)

Um, have *you* ever considered this? I know I had not. My perception was that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the three parts of the Trinity. However, to a child who is a very literal thinker, I can certainly see how he might have questions about this. (And no, he wasn’t being silly in all of this – he was completely serious.)

Are you wondering how I answered him? I told him that I was pretty sure that since God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit were the same, despite being separate parts of the Trinity, they would certainly be able to stay in heaven without having to go through the process of officially asking Jesus to be in their hearts.

That answer was sort of enough for him, but after at least 20 minutes of discussion on this, I assured him that we could ask Granddad when we got to church. (Having a grandfather who is a pastor and very knowledgeable on spiritual things is a blessing; my kids are doubly blessed as both of their grandfathers are pastors!) Upon arriving at church, we went to find Granddad and ask him if God needs Jesus in His heart. His answer was similar to mine – God is already perfect, by virtue of being God, and so he would not need to have Jesus in his heart.

Yesterday, we were listening to the Newsboys on the drive to therapy – the song “Breakfast” was on. The lyrics to one section are, “May this song remind you that they don’t serve breakfast in hell.” My little guy popped up, “They DON’T?!”

(Again – have you ever considered that detail?)

I told him that I was pretty sure that hell is a place of eternal torture. In Luke 16 we read about the rich man and Lazarus. That passage describes the rich man as being in torment in Hades. He begged Abraham to send Lazarus to give him just a drop of water to cool his tongue. My thought, based on this, is that if the rich man was begging for water, he probably didn’t have food either. I could be wrong, but that’s my best guess, and that is what I told my son today

The fact of the matter is that I don’t always know the answers to the questions he asks. Quite often I’m blown away at his level of thinking and the direction in which his questions seem to go. I sometimes feel inadequate to answer him because I personally do not tend to dig deeper into thinking through things. I often accept things at face value, but he certainly pushes me to think a little deeper. I think he continues to ask his questions, though, because I don’t dismiss him. Rather, I try to work through the questions with him, giving him (hopefully) sound answers from the Bible and skills to help with some critical thinking.

Bloom where you’re planted – even if it’s in the minivan driving to and from appointments or classes or activities. Don’t overlook the seemingly-small aspects of your day as they may just be where God chooses to do some heart work in us or our children. How about you – have you found God in aspects of your day where you weren’t expecting Him? Have your kids asked you about spiritual things that surprise you due to the depth of their thinking? For us it’s been our Minivan Theology sessions where we’ve looked a little more intently at situations that, personally, I’ve just taken on faith. I love these opportunities to encourage my children in their walk with God.

Filed Under: daily blessings, family focused, having faith in God, Questions, special needs therapy

A Grand Adventure

March 26, 2025 By Rebekah 1

This is day two of spring break in our home, so the kids and I dropped my husband off at work and then we headed into the city. Our plan was to visit the zoo, but we ended up on a grand adventure that took us around the world! (Well, not really, but sort of.)

We arrived at the zoo before it got very crowded and so we were able to move quickly from one habitat to another. We had so much fun seeing different animals and watching them play. The tigers seemed particularly active today, and we had a great time watching the primates.

Our younger son is convinced that he “read somewhere that…” and so he told us these random facts about various animals. My favorite, though, was this one: “Judging from the size of the animal, I’d say that the white-handed gibbon which is black in color, is 17 years old. You can tell because clearly the lighter-colored white-handed gibbon is 15 years old, and the baby has got to be about 2 years old, by my best estimation.” Clearly he was estimating on the baby’s age, but I was convinced that he must have read the age of the other two gibbons because he kept going on about it. Nope - no sign to verify his information, but he spoke with such conviction. They were just random, made-up facts, I *think* in order to give him something to say.

We spent time at each habitat and going in and out of buildings. We enjoyed an around-the-globe adventure in terms of learning where the animals were originally from, and the foods they eat, and the conditions they need in order to thrive. It was interesting to see an animal called an aye-aye, who comes from Madagascar. They are so sensitive to light that the zoo keepers have them in their own little area of the primate house, in an almost completely darkened area. There was a light that ran along the floor to help you see your way, but you almost couldn’t see the person in front of you.

While we were at the zoo, I asked the kids if they wanted to make the short drive to go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art once we were finished at the zoo. They all agreed, and I was happy for that, as past trips to the museum haven’t gone too well. We finished at the zoo and drove on to the art museum to continue our adventure.

The museum provided several great opportunities for my son to practice asking for help. He was trying to read his map and figure out where we were. I could have looked at the map and told him, but instead I encouraged him to ask someone who worked there. Without very much hesitation, he walked up to an employee and asked for help with his map. The employee took his time and helped my son get oriented with where he was on the map. This made the entire rest of the trip successful because then he was able to read the map on his own and help us navigate to rooms he wanted to see.

We started off visiting a photography exhibit on the ground floor. The pictures were mostly black and white and we made note of the use of light and how it makes a difference in how much you can - or cannot - see in a picture. From there we took the elevator to the 2nd floor to visit the arms and armor exhibit. It was at that point that I realized we’d be in for a LONG adventure. The kids were hooked on reading every placard that told us about each piece of armor. Thankfully we didn’t have to read every placard in the rest of the museum, but we spent quite some time in the armor section.

We traveled through every section of the museum, except for the special exhibits. We were quite tired after the 5 main sections of the museum and

One of our highlights was finding several paintings by Claude Monet, of the same picture. We have studied in our art lessons that Monet painted many pictures in Giverney, France, including the gardens and Japanese foot bridge. The paintings seen here were all in the European art exhibit, but in different rooms, not hanging together.

We have traveled to every continent today, in some form or fashion. The best part of the day was really how much I enjoyed my kids. They were well-behaved, there were few arguments or problems and they thoroughly enjoyed their day. Our around-the-world grand adventure was a huge success!

Filed Under: family focused, homeschool family Tagged With: art, homeschool, Philadelphia, Spring break

Our Normal - We Social Story

October 28, 2024 By Rebekah 1

In our little corner of the world, I sometimes find myself craving some normalcy. Some parts of life seem so far from normal anymore, that I almost forget what “normal” is supposed to look like. I’ve gotten used to “our normal”.

Our daughter got invited to her very first friend sleepover party. She was beyond excited! So was I - that’s what “normal” is supposed to look like…kids playing with friends, having slumber parties, sleeping bags, all without Tim or me having to hover over the situation. Our girl was so excited to go! We did some planning, I made sure she felt ready to go, and then it was the big day.

And that’s when I noticed that even though we were headed off to something “normal”, we still carried “our normal” with us. See, my girl was going through all the checkpoints. It was good until I realized it was more like a social story than a checklist of things that need to be done before leaving.

In my mind, going through the checklist to prepare for an outing would be something like:
*I have my sleeping bag, pajamas, toothbrush and clothes.
*I know your phone number.
*I know I can ask for help.

But “our normal”, where we social story (because I wanted to turn that into a verb!), and which was the checklist she was going through, sounded more like:
*I’m getting ready for a slumber party.
*Sometimes you might feel happy because your friends are there.
*Sometimes you might feel scared if someone tells a scary story.
*If I feel scared, I’m going to ask Miss L for some help.
*At a slumber party you will sleep in your sleeping bag. I love my new sleeping bag!
*Sometimes you might get scared in the night. If I get scared, I will ask to call my mom.
*When I wake up in the morning, I will eat breakfast and get my things packed.
*My mom or dad will come pick me up.

Her version of a social story wasn’t a bad list to help prepare herself. But it reminded me that it wasn’t completely “typical” either. But I think that’s okay - ultimately she seems to know enough about the social story process and can help her brother prepare for a new situation if she needs to. In our house, we sometimes social story. And that’s “our normal”.

Filed Under: family focused, parenting outside the box, social skills

Review: One Year Ago

October 15, 2024 By Rebekah 1

Tonight, kind of just for fun, I looked back to see if I’d blogged in 2011, on October 14th. Sure enough, I had. And it was such a timely post. In the past year, since that post, we’ve made many new friends and contacts. Some know about our son, others do not. It was good for me to have something concise to share about who he really is. It was also exciting to re-read the post and see how far we’ve come in a year. The day-to-day can be tough in terms of seeing the big picture of where we’ve been, and where we’re going. The blog has been a huge blessing, in being able to look back at just where we’ve been.Rather than re-post it all here, I’m just going to ask you to click the link below to read back about who our son really is. It’s a wonderful question, that many people were asking me during a transition time. It gave me a good reason to sift through some of the ups and downs, when he’s being childish, when he’s being boyish, when he’s had enough, and when you might really have his attention in a particular moment.

As I read through it, I really enjoyed seeing that so many of the issues we were dealing with last year don’t seem to be as much of a problem for us anymore. (Now we’re on to “newer” and “better” issues!)

So go ahead and click the link below, to read:

Who Is He?

Filed Under: anxiety and autism, autism spectrum diagnosis, daily blessings, dealing with feelings, family focused, sensory issues

On Forgiving, Even When "It’s Not Okay"

October 8, 2024 By Rebekah 4

This morning Picasso & the Princess threw something at each other. {“At”…not “to”…not okay.} I called Picasso upstairs from the basement to ask what was going on. He started to recount what had happened - that the Princess had thrown something at him, and he threw it back.This, of course, required the Princess to come upstairs to tell her version of the story. She agreed; she had thrown something at him. She then qualified her statement with, “…but it was soft!” No. No sweet girl. Just because it’s soft does not make it okay to throw something.

Back to Picasso - “And just because you’re mad doesn’t make it okay for you to throw it back at her.”

Princess: I’m sorry.
Picasso: I forgive you.

Picasso: I’m sorry, too.
Princess: It’s okay.
Picasso: You should really say, ‘I forgive you.’
Princess: I’m not used to that word.
Picasso: Sometimes it’s not okay.
Princess: I forgive you.

Me: Wait a minute. Picasso, what do you mean by ‘it’s not okay?’
Picasso: Throwing things is not okay.
Me: So, when she said, ‘It’s okay,’ you don’t agree with that, do you?
Picasso: No, because throwing is not okay. I said sorry and she needs to say that she forgives me.

Me: Sweet girl, he thinks you’re telling him that you think it’s okay to throw. He’s getting mixed up by the words we use sometimes. Maybe, when someone apologizes, let’s work on saying, ‘I forgive you,’ instead of, ‘It’s okay.’
Princess: Okay, I can try that. I meant it was okay like I forgive you.
Me: I understand that, but apparently he doesn’t yet, so let’s try to make sure he’s understanding what we say, and we can do that by just choosing a few different words.

Princess to Picasso: I forgive you.

I loved that he was able to share that with us today! I’ve heard it one other time, but he wasn’t able to articulate it quite as well at that point. It really makes you consider the impact of your words. Not only do you have a message to convey, but sometimes the hearer has a certain need which can be met by the words we choose.

Filed Under: family focused, self-advocacy

Fall Outing

October 7, 2024 By Rebekah 2

Today, Tim and I had the day to spend together. We decided that since the weather was nice, we’d take a drive up north a little and see some of the fall colors along the river. The colors weren’t as vivid as we’d hoped, but we had a great time together!

Here are a few pictures from our outing…

I’m hoping to be back to this blog a little more often. Hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the autumn weather (well, at least for those of us in the US!). Have a wonderful weekend!

Filed Under: family focused

Autumn

October 1, 2024 By Rebekah 3

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”

-Albert Camus

This is my favorite time of the year. The long days of summer have passed; the cold, East coast winter has not set in yet. It’s still warm enough to get outside to enjoy the sunshine on our faces. And the deep, warm colors are appearing everywhere we look – pumpkins, trees, shrubs, plants. Beautiful!

In our home, autumn brings with it a natural slowing down of life. We have settled into the new school year after a few bumpy weeks. The days begin to get shorter and we start to note, sometimes daily, how soon the evening comes. We seem to buy more hot cocoa at this time of year, preparing for cool, crisp nights and brisk mornings. I can’t bear to turn the heat on, not yet. Soon enough it will go on and warm our home, but for now you’ll find us snuggled under blankets, putting on a pair of socks and enjoying the last few days of keeping the windows open.

Photo taken and uploaded by Author

This is the time of year when people begin to reflect back on the year. For some it’s been long, for others it seems to have passed too quickly. Yet it seems that we all take some time, during autumn, to reflect and remember. With each leaf that changes color, with each vibrant color of fall plant, we pause and realize that we are one moment closer to finishing another year.

We deal with special needs in our home and this has taught us so many things. One of the most important, though, is that each moment is special and each victory is worth celebrating, not just for this son, but for all of our children! As I reflect on the year our kids have had, I’m always amazed – so many noteworthy remembrances. They are learning and growing remarkably well, they are all healthy, all have their special interests and are pursuing those, all are showing spiritual growth and depth. I cannot ask for more!

As I consider, particularly, our son with special needs, a wonderful thought occurs to me. We have intentionally focused on celebrating every small victory for him and for our other two children. Every one of them. Because of that, my heart is full. As I pause and look around at each warm, vibrant shade of autumn, I am overwhelmed – each changing leaf, each lovely shade of autumn, represents a warm memory of our year. Maybe it was a pronouncement of physical health by our favorite pediatrician; maybe it was a new skill learned and mastered; maybe it was a kindness extended to another. We’ve come a long way and every autumn gives me a chance to reflect on that and to enjoy the warm remembrances that fill my heart!

Photo taken and uploaded by Author

Filed Under: family focused, gratitude and appreciation, inspiration and motivation

To My Girl

September 13, 2024 By Rebekah 8

My Dear Girl,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I am so glad you’re a part of our family. God has blessed our family by giving you to us and we are so grateful for who you are in our family.

I always think that children are given to parents so that parents can help raise them to be who they are supposed to be. However, you’ve been such a blessing in my life. And while I know I’m doing some of the work of raising you, you have - in your 6 short years - already been such a blessing in my life.

I fell in love with all of you from the moment I knew you were going to be a part of our lives. You’ve added a softness to our family that we didn’t know we were lacking. You cause us to slow down by the tea parties you plan. You reel us in with your cute smile, your sensitivity, your big dark eyes.

You love us unconditionally and whole-heartedly. You look up to your oldest brother and that helps him feel really good! You’re not too close in age, but you find a way to nurture the relationship that you two have, and I love that!

You’re a rock in our family. I wish we didn’t have to thrust you into some of the reality that is our life, but honestly, God has specially designed you to be in our family and to be a rock for your brother. You have so many ways that you can help him - and that you do help him - and I am so proud of you. Even though he’s your big brother, he looks up to you in so many ways. I’m always proud of you for helping him, for holding his hand when he needs it, for helping him focus on what he needs to do, for speaking up for him when he can’t speak up for himself. You two have a special bond that many other siblings will not have. Always keep your heart close to his - he will always need your strength and security.

I’m glad when we can give you times to just be a kid. Your smile and your laugh are infectious. You bring joy to everyone who knows you. You are quick to sympathize with someone who is hurting or sick, you offer the best of who you are to help others, and that is a wonderful trait.

Happy birthday to the girl who makes all things pink even more awesome!