I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been struggling to process something that I read. Let me start this post by saying that I fully realize that we all approach our decision-making differently, and God calls us all to different paths, and honestly, I don’t expect this post to win me too many new friends. That being said, the Bible is very clear about a lot of things, especially divorce.
I read an article a few weeks ago, called “My Light Went Out” about a lady who was pondering a divorce. According to the post, she begged God to let her know what she should do.
I took from that statement that she’s a Christian, but maybe I’m wrong.
The article goes on to detail her marriage, and according to her admission, there were
*no black eyes
*no adultery (in fact she called him a kind man and a good father)
yet she was dying inside. She was lonely. Her friends told her that her light went out.
So she was pondering divorce, and against the advice of friends and family, she left her marriage and chose herself. (Her words, not mine.)
After the decision was made, she shares that she heard what she needed to hear from her favorite author. Basically the advice was a list of reasons that someone might leave their husband. The end of the excerpt she shared reads,
“Go, because you want to. Because wanting to leave is enough.”
Not only that, but she was able to find the good in the situation. She has a list of “10 gifts of a messy divorce”.
*She begged God to tell her what to do.
*There had been, according to her admission, no adultery, so therefore no biblical reason to divorce.
*Yet her favorite author wrote a long list of reasons as to why someone should leave their marriage and she accepted that.
Excuse me…. If you’re begging God to tell you what to do, have you tried reading your Bible?
Shouldn’t God be your favorite author?
I realize that we all have authors we like to read, our own list of favorite books.
But, I also realize that it’s easier to take the advice we want instead of the advice that is actually right, which often seems more difficult.
This article has been on my mind for several weeks. I cannot get it out of my head.
I think I’m mad at the author. It has really bothered me that she described her “perfect life” (her words, not mine) and then goes on to say that she chose herself, and as a result her children are happier because they have a mother who is happy.
* * * * *
I know that God gives a way out in certain situations in marriage. Not everyone will stay. I almost didn’t.
I don’t expect everyone to want to stay in a marriage where there has been difficulty. (And if you’re experiencing abuse, you should certainly do what you need to in order to get some distance and safety.)
But if we are calling ourselves Christians, then we need to be following what God tells us in His Word.
Not only that, but God doesn’t force us out of our troubled marriages. The guidelines are there for if someone chooses to leave their marriage. They are not there because someone has to leave their marriage if there are problems.
In my specific situation, I really felt like this was the last (final) option for my husband to get his life straightened out.
So while the Bible very clearly gave me a way out, I chose not to take it.
No, not mine. My husband’s.
I have a husband who has struggled severely with some major issues and this is his chance to get it right – to learn that a life isn’t lost because of mistakes, to learn that God can bring beauty from the ashes.
This has been the toughest fight of my life.
Believe me when I tell you that I feel like my light went out.
I might be able to understand where the author was coming from…if she had troubles in her marriage.
(Please note – that comment is based on reading her article, where she lists loneliness as the major issue, and 6 years of marriage counseling hadn’t fixed it.) But by all accounts, including hers, it was a good life.
I’m glad she’s happy – please don’t misunderstand that.
But I’m disappointed for her, that she had to leave the will of God in order to find happiness.
Friends, God will never EVER take us outside of His will and His truth in order for us to find happiness. It just won’t happen.
So while this article has really stayed in my head, I’m ready to let it go.
No, not mine. The unbeliever’s.
Friends, we serve a God who can.
Plain and simple.
Yes, He may choose to answer differently than we hope, but I have to count on the promises of God.
And so, though it’s not the popular choice, I choose to stand for redemption.
Though I may stand alone at times, I stand for redemption.
Though my family’s situation is “too messy” for some to want to deal with, I stand for redemption.
Because I know what’s at stake. I know what comes at the end of it all.
Heaven or hell. Life or death.
Maybe you’re struggling in your marriage right now. Can I just encourage you to please, please spend time with the Lord. Search the Scripture. Take time – take days, weeks, however long it takes – until you are sure that you have a solid answer from God.
Meanwhile, though others may take the easy way out, the selfish way out – even though it’s not justified biblically – I’ll be here, standing for redemption.
Because no sin is too great, and no sinner is too lost.
I came across this quote recently, and all I can say is, YES.
I hope you’ve been around here enough to know my heart – to know that I understand the struggles of marriage. I know the hurt and pain that a spouse can cause. I am fully aware that there are long “dry patches” in a marriage where a spouse is struggling or unhappy.
I know the pain that can be caused by years of secrets. I know the trauma that is induced when life suddenly falls apart on a perfectly normal Wednesday.
I also know that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” -Romans 8:18
I believe God created us for a purpose. I believe He longs for us to have full joy in and through Him.
And that’s precisely why this article has bothered me so much – this lady has purposely stepped outside the will of God. While she might be happy for now, I don’t think she’s where God wants her.
If her post is completely truthful, then I believe she’s in the wrong. I do not believe that she should have gotten a divorce – just like most everyone else, according to her article.
Friends, we have to wake up. Complacency is a slow, quiet killer. I know because I struggle there, too.
We’ve had to start attending a new church – because according to some people, some sins are just too messy to deal with. My kids struggle to transition to the new church. The times are not what we’re used to. The service is different from what we’re accustomed to, AND we don’t have many friends there yet. It’s very challenging. And often, it’s easier to just stay home.
So I know the struggle with complacency. I know the struggle with those times when things just seem to never go your way.
But, friends, please hear me, please hear my heart:
Stepping outside of God’s boundaries may bring happiness temporarily, but it is sin.
It is sin packaged in “happiness” but it’s still sin.
God hasn’t called me to win the world to Him. He’s called me to be faithful inside my home – to walk this road with my husband (though it’s dark and scary), and to help in raising our children.
He’s called me to follow Him. To be obedient. To share redemption.
I’m thankful for the quote from Spurgeon, to be able to share just how strongly I feel about this.
I don’t have a huge platform, but I have faith.
Friend, if you are contemplating divorce, or if you know someone who is, be sure – be so very sure – that you are within God’s will. I don’t expect that He will call us all to stay.
But I don’t want to miss this opportunity to remind you – and me – to stay in God’s will.
Obey Him. Even if it’s not what you want to do. Even if your favorite author writes a beautiful, flowing list of why you should leave. Even if your light has gone out.
Sometimes we need to survive that temporary darkness and let God meet us there, so that we don’t have to endure an eternal darkness.
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