Have you ever looked at your marriage and wondered what has happened? Have you been completely dissatisfied with the state of everything? Have you gone so far as to maybe even ponder divorce?

You’re not alone.

I know that as a culture, we tend to keep doing what we do, so long as it is beneficial to us in some way. But when we turn that corner where we feel it is no longer beneficial, we’re quick to throw it away - whether it’s an old book that our kids have outgrown, a faulty appliance, broken furniture, and even our marriage.

I wrote about the day I took my ring off, and I’ve been open with struggles in my own marriage. It’s hard to want to stay, to want to work things out, when the struggles seem too big.

Fear can play a major role in trying to work through our problems. We fear more pain, rejection, we even fear other people finding out about our troubles. Fear can truly mess us up in our day to day lives.

But there is something that can add fuel to fear’s fire and really make matters seem worse than they need to be.

Our emotions.

I’ve found that when my emotions run wild, the fear flares up. When the fear seems out of control, everything seems impossible. So to quiet the fear, I have to calm the emotions. .

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

I’m sharing at Being Confident of This - join me for the 3 ways to calm your emotions - before they ruin your marriage!

It’s been raining for what feels like three weeks straight, and to top that off, the Miwest received quite the April Fool’s prank of fake Spring followed by snow in April! The crazy weather and dark, dreary days are enough to get anyone a little down, let alone a mama of four cabin-fevered monkeys who want, no neeeed, to play outdoors.

But this year I’m learning to be more steadfast.

I don’t want the weather, or my busy schedule, or life’s disappointments, or wild-with-energy disobedient children to dictate my own emotions any longer. Instead, I want to find my joy and strength in the Lord, maintaining the calm confidence that comes from Him alone.

Do you want that, too, friend? A steady spirit? A faith that doesn’t waver at every little wave that rocks the boat?

Here are a few simple ways to keep life from stealing the joy that is rightfully ours in the Lord.

10 Simple Ways to Maintain a Cheerful Heart

1. Abide in the Vine.

Nothing brings more joy than being right with our Creator, which makes sense. God Almighty is our very source of life, so avoiding Him literally sucks life from us!

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NASB)

On the other hand, when we spend time focused on Him, we get an infusion of life, and with it, joy - it just bubbles right over and onto everyone around us!

2. Listen to Music.

For some that might be Christian Radio and for others, classical music, classic rock - whatever it is that gives your soul wings. For those days when you really need a dose of biblical truth set to song, I highly recommend this album by Casting Crowns or this one by Sidewalk Prophets.

3. Take Care of Your Physical Body.

I don’t know about you, but nothing makes me more grumpy than skipped meals or a lack of sleep. In addition, this year I’ve noticed that consistent exercise helps me more than I realized before. I feel less stressed after working out and happier! And let’s not even talk about how not good I feel when I overeat (0r eat too much junk)…

The science behind taking care of our bodies doesn’t lie, but even more, we have a biblical mandate to care for God’s temple!

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” 1 Cor. 6:19-20 (NASB)

4. Keep Laughing.

Every once in a while I run across a hilarious youtube video that a friend has shared on facebook or elsewhere. I call all of our children to gather ’round the computer and we spend a few minutes giggling and replaying and giggling some more. It lifts the mood of the entire household.

Lately I’ve been trying to be more intentional about this, especially when I drop my children off for school each day. When we pull in the school’s driveway, I say, “Buckles off!” in a silly voice (I even do it when I drop off the teen and his friend and they grin every time).

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (NASB)

Take a few minutes to tickle your children or let them tickle you. Let everyone share a funny joke at supper. Share the laughter and see less grumpiness in your household.

5. Do something kind for someone else

Joy isn’t meant to be squirreled away and saved for a rainy day; it’s meant to be shared lavishly!

Bringing joy to others has a double benefit - their increased joy boosts our own joy. For added benefit, do something kind for others together as a family!

6. Quit procrastinating.

When the to-do list hangs over your head for multiple days, it’s a sure recipe for anxiety and stress. Eliminate that stress by accomplishing some of your goals daily and giving yourself grace for the things you don’t get done. A sense of a accomplishment (even if it’s just one thing) brings its own joy.

7. Siphon joy from others.

I mean this in the best of ways! A pastor friend once told my husband that when he’s having a rough day or struggling with some discouragement, he spends time with a few key people. He knows he will leave those visits feeling encouraged.

I’ve been reminded of this often as we’ve spent more time lately with fellow pastors and church-planters who are excited about what the Lord is doing in our region. Their enthusiasm is contagious!

It’s the same with joy. If joy is contagious, then we need time with others who exhibit joy.

8. Keep a record of your blessings.

I shared previously about our Thanksgiving Tree, but your record could take any form. You can keep a record in a journal, on your computer, in a photo album, and so forth.

When joy is hard to find, look back at your record. Review God’s faithfulness to you, His many gifts. Looking at that record helps me to remember that hard times don’t last forever, and that sometimes hard times come with their own seasons of joy, too.

9. Experience the beauty of things you love.

When I’m lacking joy, I like to head outdoors, but sometimes the everyday beauty of my backyard isn’t enough. I need a jolt of natural beauty that’s a little more expansive. That’s why I love our family hikes so much! I find that spending time in nature reminds me of the awesomeness of our Creator God.

If you love art, go to an Art Museum. If nature is your thing, schedule some time outdoors. Take some photographs. Write a poem or read a poem. Listen to some beautiful music. Whatever it is that brings some awe back into your life and stimulates creativity is guaranteed to bring joy along for the ride.

10. Take time to rest.

Listen, friends, there are times in our lives when we cannot manufacture joy for the life of us, and it’s not for a lack of trying. I know many who are low-down, worn-out, nothing-left-to-give, physical and emotional wrecks. I’ve been there before myself. It’s a deep, dark, slippery pit of apathy and despair.

It’s in those dark times that we come to realize joy has deeper meaning beyond that of happiness or good cheer. Joy is strength, and that strength must come from the Lord. There is no other method for getting out of that pit. And really that’s good news for us!

Why?

Because the joy no longer depends on us. It depends instead on Him, our Father.

When we get so worn out we could just cry, so weary of the everyday grind that we’d love nothing more than to run away, we can find rest in our Father. It may not be the rest that we want - the Carribean Cruise or even just a chance to sleep in - but it’s the rest that our soul truly needs.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)

Come to Him.

Find the rest you so desperately seek.

Let the joy of the Lord be your strength!

Jen

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I guess you’d call it a temper tantrum, of sorts.

I’ve been waiting impatiently, pretty sure that God should be doing something big.

(As if I should presume to know the heart of God….)

And when He hasn’t answered in ways that I’d like, I’ve expressed frustration to the one person I’m working to be a lot kinder to.

You’ve watched a toddler who really wants something, and they try to be patient. Maybe it’s meal time, nap time, or bed time, though, and you know that at some point you’re going to see a meltdown if things don’t work out well. That’s been me.

Sadly.

I’ve been frustrated about one area of life that I just cannot control. I want to get through it, I’m tired of being patient - just give me my life back already!

And I try to be speak kindly to my husband - through impatience in our spot in life, through so many different family things going on, through situations that remind me of previous hurts.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the flowers start to grow in my backyard. You know the typical spring flower growth pattern:
*dig the hole in the fall
*plant the bulb
*water it, let the sun shine on it, make sure it’s planted deep for the winter
*tiny bit of green above the ground as a sign of spring
*leaves start to grow
*the stem gets taller
*the leaves grow bigger
*the bud starts to show
*the plant continues to grow
and then finally, when you almost can’t believe it’s taking this long…
*the flower opens

And over the past few years I’ve watched this blog grow, and I’ve watched the numbers grow. Yet I’ve known it was never supposed to be about the numbers.

So the other day, I took a look at the numbers.

You know - those numbers, that were never supposed to be important.

And because of my own struggles these past few weeks, because of our schedule, our son’s benefit concert, and the need to get a little sleep, I haven’t written much here.

So yesterday I looked at the numbers and I was momentarily discouraged. See, every social media platform has its ups and downs and as a blogger it can be hard to get your posts seen. But the truth is, that isn’t what matters. Doesn’t matter if there’s one person here reading or one million people here.

What matters is what you’re reading when you’re here.

The majority of people who’ve landed here recently have read one post in particular: this one.

And because you’re reading that post, overall, I’m reminded that there are women out there who are facing struggles in their marriage.

You haven’t given up hope yet. You are a strong bunch of warrior wives.

I’ve been waiting for that moment in my life when the proverbial spring flower opens - when the beauty is seen. When the struggle to grow is complete, and beauty exudes. When people admire the beauty and forget about the struggle.

I’ve been telling God how ready I am to be there. And He keeps making me wait.

He keeps reminding me to stop my tantrums, to look around and admire all that is good and right and beautiful in my life.

And as I’ve looked at what you’re reading, I’m finally okay with that.

Because somewhere, someone needs to know that it’s okay to keep growing.

The flower - the final moment when that bud opens - that isn’t the sole proof of new life.

No, it isn’t. It’s actually the final reminder of new life.

The bulb that went into the ground is the first sign of new life. Yes, even though it was buried. It reminds us that someone, somewhere wants to see new life and so they carefully prepared that bulb for what should be new growth.

Then that bulb grew, and produced that first sighting of green above the ground. New life!

That first bit of green started to grow and get taller.
And the rains came - and it still stood.
And the winds came strong - and still it stood.
And it didn’t throw itself around the garden wondering why it wasn’t fully grown and budding yet.
It didn’t have the equivalent of the temper tantrum I’ve been having as I wait on God to make something beautiful out of this mess.
It just kept standing.

It developed leaves, a deep root system, a strong stem, and it just kept standing - through the rains, the winds, the cold nights, the warm spring sun.

And that strong-standing, not-yet-bloomed flower reminds us that only God can start the growth, continue it, and fulfill it.

So wherever you are today, keep standing.
Keep growing.
Develop that root system that will keep you tall and strong.
Trust God when the storms come.
Remember that God is tenderly caring for you, and you are still here because He knows of the beauty in your life.

Our idea of the beauty our lives should display is nothing compared to what the Lord can do. We can’t even begin to imagine the beauty He has ahead for us. -That’s as much a reminder for myself as any words I’ve ever written.

to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:2b-3

Those last 3 lines….

Oaks of righteousness.
A planting of the Lord.
For the display of his splendor.

The first few verses talk about the broken-hearted, the captives, the prisoners, those who mourn, those who grieve.

Isaiah was sent to them to bestow beauty, joy, and praise.

Why? For the display of his splendor.

So that everyone can see the power of God.

Think about it - if we read about wives who’ve struggled, who’ve nearly thrown it all away, but who have survived only by the grace of God, then we know God can. He can do it.

If we don’t share our stories, if we think that the only true beauty is in getting out of the mess, we’re missing the display of his splendor.

God’s power is at work, active, during the struggle - during those times where it’s hard to grow, during those times where there isn’t much beauty.

But for the wife who is looking for support and encouragement to stay in her marriage, we have to share about those times when we aren’t yet beautiful as the world might see the beauty of a newly-bloomed flower.

Friends, we may not yet be beautiful to the world, but we are to God.

Not only are we beautiful to God, we are the strength and encouragement to the next wife who is struggling.

Wherever you are today, I see what you’re reading. I see that you’re wanting encouragement to stay in your marriage. I see that you’re looking for hope and encouragement to keep on going.

That’s why I’m here - to try and provide that hope and encouragement.

Here are posts you’re going to want to read - and it’s a link to my Pinterest profile where I have gathered the marriage posts I’ve written: Marriage Posts

My friend, Arabah Joy, has written a book that has been blessing and encouraging my heart in such a new way. It’s not about marriage. It’s about trust. Trusting in God. And that’s the only way we’re going to grow - through trust in God. You’re going to want this book if you’re looking to strengthen your trust in God through an issue of marital trials: Trust Without Borders.

I’d love to hear where you are in your journey. I love to get your emails and read the comments you leave. Please know that I am here, and I am praying for you!