Is There Hope for My Marriage?

Her question was simple: “Do you think there’s still hope for my marriage?”

So many thoughts came rushing to the front of my mind. I wanted to assure her, but I’m not God. I remembered being at a point in my life where I wanted the same reassurance. Who, but God, can know that answer, though?

As I pondered her question, three thoughts came to my mind.

1. If you are still breathing, there is still hope.

God’s timing isn’t always the same as our timing. Our understanding is finite, whereas God’s is infinite. I know these are basic concepts, but sometimes these are the ones we need to return to, and cling to, as we wait on God.

God’s plan for our lives doesn’t end when we encounter hardship.

John Piper has a quote that I like to think about when I’m wondering if there is still hope:

“God is always doing 10,000 things in your life,
and you may be aware of three of them.”

If you are still breathing, there is still hope.

2. Our hope should not be hinged on our marriage.

Marriage is not the end goal in life. While marriage can certainly be a good thing, it is not the only thing. Marriage gives us a partnership, someone with whom to share a family, a life, even a ministry.

We have to remember, though, that God has a plan for each of us, individually. There can be great support and encouragement within a marriage, and the husband-wife relationship certainly seeks to bring honor to each other. The ultimate goal of a marriage, though, is to continually become more like God.

If marriage ends, if it fails and we end up alone, that does not mean God’s plan is over. Oh, we may feel like it is, but if we wake up tomorrow morning, without our spouse, it’s because God still has a plan for our lives.

Our hope should not be hinged on our marriage, but rather anchored to the Rock.

3. God’s plans are always best.

Friend, please believe me when I tell you that I want, more than anything, to tell you that your marriage can, and will, be restored. I know it’s the answer you’re hoping for. It’s the answer I was hoping for as well.

I can’t promise you restoration in your marriage, though. A friend approached me one day and asked me to pray for reconciliation in her marriage, which I did - faithfully. The reality was that she could only control her actions and reactions within her marriage. As she let God work in her life, she drew closer to Him, and He was faithful in providing the next steps for her. She didn’t get the answer she was specifically praying for, but she trusted God to move her into the next season of life.

God’s not done with you! He’s not done with your spouse either. But in this life, we are only able to control our own choices and actions. We cannot force someone to love us.

We can trust God, though. We can cling to Him with everything in us.

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!
Psalm 61:1-4

In both Deuteronomy and Hebrews, we are reminded of God’s promises to never leave us, to never forsake us.

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Romans 8:32

One of the best ways that I’ve found to combat those times of feeling hopeless and alone, when I’m waiting on God to move, wondering what the next steps are, is to worship. I pull out a favorite cd, or turn on some music that I like on Pandora and just listen.

I started asking God to use my pain, to make me a blessing even in the times when I felt I was least equipped to bless others. That’s how I began sharing a little of my story here, from brokenness to overcoming shame, from a time of uncertainty to the point where I could begin to step out in faith.

It turns out I’m not the only one who has been broken by marriage. It also seems I’m not the only one who has seen some redemption and wholeness in my marriage.

I wish I could promise you that - wholeness within your marriage.

That wouldn’t be the best that I could give you, though. I’d be giving you second best, a small sliver of what I could give to you.

Her question was simple: “Do you think there’s still hope for my marriage?”

Here is my answer, after thinking it all through.

I can’t promise you the hope you’re looking for. I really can’t.
I can promise you a better Hope.
Yes, truly - a better Hope.
I can promise you that if the Lord God woke you up today, then HE is NOT FINISHED WITH YOU.
If you are able to draw a breath today, then my God has plans for your life!
You may not be where you want to be, your life may not look like what you want it to look like, but friends, GOD IS THERE WITH YOU.
Cling to Him, find shelter in Him. Let your heart heal, and ask Him to raise you up.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:9,10

Receive today as the gift God has given you. Ask Him to heal your hurt.

Ask God to make you a blessing in someone else’s life - ask Him to use you, and then listen for what He says to do. Maybe you can send a card, write an email, smile at someone as you pass them in the parking lot, return the cart for a mom of young ones, share a joke with someone who is also hurting.

Being a blessing does not have to be about changing the world - it has everything to do with being faithful right where God has put you, in your circle of influence. And maybe, just like me, you’re thinking that your circle of influence is tiny - maybe it seems non-existent. I promise you that if you ask God to make you a blessing, He’s going to do it!

Friend, you came looking for hope. Is there still hope?

I don’t know.

But today, I hope you leave with Hope!

“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”
-Numbers 6:24-26

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I want to share just a few resources that encouraged me as I was working through my own struggles, as I continue to work through this point in my life.

Movies from The Kendrick Brothers:
Facing the Giants
Fireproof
Courageous
War Room

Books/Devotionals:
The Circle Maker
Fervent
When Words Won’t Come by Leah Adams - be sure to visit her blog for encouragement
Trust Without Borders by Arabah Joy - visit her blog for more resources
Look to Jesus by Dawn Klinge - find more from her at her blog